Happy Christmas Eve

So during this Christmas break home I should be working on job applications and my portfolio for graduation. I have a feeling I am going to have to schedule a weekly chunk of time next semester to get those things finished because I have done literally nothing so far. But that is because I have been having waaaaaayyy too much fun!!

I have been trying to go attend a Sundy Best show since I fell in love with them this summer. They regularly play in Lexington, KY but occasionally travel to other places. It seems like fate has been keeping from them for all these months but the stars aligned last week. Tracy and I were able to drive the short although windy and snowy hour long stretch to meet up with some friends and attend the show. I think it is safe to say that last Thursday was the absolute best Thursday I experienced in 2012. Gosh, was I a very happy girl! I sang at the top of my lungs, danced my way to the front of the stage, and smiled non-stop. My excitement level was through the roof and Sundy Best did not disappoint. I have linked some of my favorite songs right here for you to enjoy as well!

Sundy Best - Home (my favorite to listen to on my long drives)

Something else I have been doing is enjoying romantic Hallmark Christmas movies. No matter the time of day we can turn one on and people in our house get hooked… even though every plot is pretty much identical. I think over Thanksgiving break I made a wish so I could get some secret Santa Christmas magic in my life. (A quick disclaimer: I know having a man is not the most important thing in my life but if I am in the Hallmark spirit I just go along with it.) If I had some secret magic this is what would happen and my life would be like a Hallmark movie: First, I would meet a nice and good looking guy in a cute clever way. Perhaps even arguing about something or thinking he is giving me dirty looks and hates me for no reason. Next, we would run into each other again and be fairly surprised at how much we enjoy each other’s company. At some point he will reference a charitable act and my heart will melt. I am super impressed when he opens car doors for me and holds my hand as we cross the street. We share dessert (major points in my book!) and sit on the same side of the booth to watch other people karaoke. (In a real Hallmark movie someone would probably karaoke and be incredible at it, but since this is my story and I wouldn’t be incredible I am leaving that part out.) Afterwards as we walk along a beautiful path of Christmas lights twinkling and toy train displays a view of the gorgeous Cincinnati skyline appears, seemingly out of nowhere. As we are enjoying the scenery some reindeer wander out and begin grazing near us. (In my story it really should just be deer because reindeer do not live near me but reindeer are so much more magical!) The next step of a Hallmark movie is snow falling without anyone being cold and of course a kiss under the stars is soon to follow.

Maybe I know the Hallmark movie formula a little too well or maybe I am really caught up in the Christmas spirit or maybe I just had a really good first date? Wishing all of my friends, family, and followers  a very happy holiday hoping that it is spent with those you love. When you are happy with the gifts you have the magic is already there. I love you all. Merry Christmas!

Sundy Best - Drunk Right (the music video to this is holiday themed!)

Why wait? Create.

Tomorrow morning I leave for another trek back to Kentucky. I stayed in Virginia a few days longer than I really needed to because for the first time since moving here – here has felt more like home than home. Then again, I am very anxious to get back to family and friends in NKY too. I can tell the 14 days I’ll be back will really fly by! I have lots to keep me busy.

In the meantime, however, I had a few days of actual free time – that’s right – no papers, tests, projects, work responsibilities – real, honest-to-goodness-nothing-to-do-but-me time – I worked on some crafting projects I have accumulated in the apartment. It’s in these last two weeks that I have really found my safe place. When I am creating something it’s like I am in another world or dimension. I am so connected in that moment with my body and my mind. It brings me so much peace and relaxation to be working with my hands to create something from nothing. I love being able to look at a regular everyday object and after playing with it a couple hours it is something completely different.

I have been painting, sewing, metal working, sanding, designing, and just simply doing. My projects have such a wide range and I am realizing that I am gifted in more areas than I thought I was! All those years I was down on myself for not being athletic just seem so silly now. I do have hand eye coordination after all! It’s just applied in a different way. I have a difficult time when someone says that they aren’t creative, because to me, creativity comes so organically. It’s not something I think about, it’s just something that happens. The imperfections of the end product are really what make it so special anyway. I am never trying to “get it right” right just happens. (I bet that is how all those boys I dated felt about sports! Or video games. It came so naturally to them. Now I guess I have a better understanding and a new perspective when I reflect on natural talents.)

I don’t know how else to describe this newfound love except by calling it: crafting, working with my hands, or creating. I had a friend say to me today, “You’re in your element when you do, it’s kinda cool to watch!” And I completely feel what she meant there. Creating is where my flow happens. It’s become my therapy. (Not that counseling didn’t do wonders for me!) I talk to students at work about what their strengths are and if those strengths are activities they want to do 40-50 hours a week for a living or if those strengths are things that keep them centered and grounded in their life but they don’t want to do it all of the time. For me crafting is such a passion (It always has been, I just didn’t realize it until now. Always learning new things about myself!) but if I had to support myself this way I would be miserable. What I really love to do day to day is connect with my students and build relationships with colleagues. What I love to do in my free time is connect with myself and I do that through working with my hands. (Of course, I love when I can combine things every once in awhile and my girlfriends are all around doing their things too! And maybe wine is involved…)

While I could go on and on and connect this a step further to creating your own happiness and destiny, let me just leave you with some thoughts about creation that my supervisor passed on to me:

“Why wait? Create. We are creators. Just as God created us, he too gave us the power to create anything we want in our reality. Everything you’ve ever dreamed is waiting in the universe just for you. All you have to do is manifest it… that’s right, just make it happen… it’s low hanging fruit, such a wonderful and generous gift. The hitch is you must take the initiative… make the first move! So fear not and jump, it’s not as far as you think… remember the universe already knows… leap! Why wait? Create.”

And if you ever need someone to help you take that leap – I’m right here.

Shoe Box Memories

I started writing this blog post before I really knew the entire story (will we ever know?) of the elementary school shooting in Connecticut which happened this morning. I toyed with the idea of not posting because of the sadness and pain many are experiencing. I too am praying for all those affected today and those who will be affected for many years to come. These tragedies break our hearts and require us to search for the meaning and strength we need to put the pieces back together. I decided to still post today because the underlying message of this blog (even if I didn't realize the connection earlier) is that I am thankful to be alive. I can recognize, respect, and remember those whose lives have been lost whether through tragedy or natural death, today or any other day, by living with a purpose to serve others and make the world a better place. I'll never forget when a dear friend (and a representative of a shoe box in my closet) said to me, "If I die, you better live the best damn life you can because you will be living for two people, not just one." With that charge, I have to continue living, even among sadness and pain, because life is precious. With that being said, here is my blog post:

I’ve never been a new year’s resolution kind of girl. I just always kind of figured if you want to do something that badly then do it. Why wait? Well, I got an idea today and I am not waiting. I’m pretty psyched to create this new collection of memories. Okay – so let me explain. I had a teacher tell me a long time ago that I needed to stop worrying about a boy. (What practical advice for a 13 year old girl right?!) But then she followed it up with, “Put all of him that you have in a shoe box. Pictures, notes, ticket stubs, memories.  Shut the lid. Put it in the top of your closet and leave it alone. He doesn’t deserve all of your worrying anyway. Out of sight, out of mind.” Of course I argued and complained to her about how he might be “the one” and what if I gave up and blah blah blah… give me a break, I was young! She was able to calm me down by saying, “But if one day it comes time to take the lid off the shoe box you’ll know where you stand with him. You’ll still have all of those mementos and memories and time will have given you a chance to figure out what they mean. If they mean something, you’ll be able to treasure those gifts of the past but if they mean nothing, you’ll be able to smile at the thought and put the lid back on.” She got through to me that day and every day I had a break up since then. Up until this summer (so 4 years of high school, 4 years of college, and 1 year of grad school’s worth of ex-boyfriends to put that in context for you) had shoe boxes on the top shelf of my closet. A few boxes were opened and shut a couple times but really it became a chronicle of who I was during those years. I said up until this summer because in June I cleaned out my closet and threw out those silly memories that in all honesty, didn’t mean so much anymore. I don’t have any bad feelings towards anyone of the men I’ve dated and wish them all so much happiness but did I really need to keep those things anymore? No, no, I did not. (It sure was a riot going through the boxes with my family and remembering things from so long ago though. A few of the better/funnier mementos were combined and saved.)

Today I had a big shoe box (it actually had boots in it so it was really sturdy too) that I was about to throw away when I thought, “Wow, I wish I had a boyfriend so I could keep our memories in here.” And then I about wanted to smack myself! First, I wanted a boyfriend so I could get use out of a stupid box?! That is pretty wack, Emily. Second, why does collecting memories have to be about a boyfriend? Haven’t I made so many amazing memories in these last few months of being single? I can do things on my own and enjoy thinking back on that time just as much! So there you have it – my brilliant idea – I am starting a memory box for myself! When I need a place to put an article that really affected me then it can go in the box. Or a small smooth rock that my counseling professor gave me to represent my time in the class – in the box it goes! Quotes and pictures, cards and journal entries, prayers and lists, crafts and conference name tags, really anything that I want to save can be saved in this box and for once, the shoe box is all about me. I don’t have to worry about shutting the lid and not being loved anymore. I just have to worry about being fabulous and filling my life with adventures worth saving.

Also, this shoe box isn’t going in my closet. It’s sitting on top of my tall chest of drawers. Right out in the open! So many times I have used the metaphor of “putting it in the shoe box” to mean that I am not dealing with that emotion or I didn’t want to think about something upsetting. I don’t want to make excuses like that anymore (even though I know I still will try). This box needs to represent me being open to living in the present, open to making memories (not just remembering them), open to feelings and emotions, open to change and adventure. My heart is open and so is my shoe box. Now who wants to help me fill it up?

Finals Week: Round 11

This is my 11^th finals week in higher education. Some weeks were easier than others (and by easier, I really mean, less stressful). This next week for me won’t be too bad but what makes it difficult is when I see students struggling. The libraries at JMU are now open 24 hours a day. Students are camping out in/on/under desks and tables. They eat, drink, sleep, and try to absorb all the information they can before an exam from their central living station. They will leave all of their belongings on the table as they take said exam and then come back to prepare for the next one. So much of that sounds and feels miserable but I have a way of finding beauty in it. I love the shared experience finals week creates on a college campus. Everyone is determined and striving to do the best they can because they value education. When you tour a college and they say, “The best part of being here is getting to know people you would have never met anywhere else,” I now think of finals week. Use it as an opportunity to talk to someone new – you already go to the same school (that’s one thing you have in common) and you are living through the hell week of finals (there is the second thing you have in common). No matter how different you are from that point out you share something special together in that moment and that just might be the start of an awesome friendship or study buddy. When else in your life is it ever going to be socially acceptable to take a nap in the library? (Let’s hope your college degree will get you a job so you won’t be homeless sleeping in the library again one day.) Just enjoy the uniqueness of this very special week of your life.

That can be tough advice to swallow, I get that. You have too much on your mind to take a minute to enjoy it. Especially because if you don’t pass this certain class you might have to change your major and then what are you going to do for the rest of your life?! I’m getting into the second point I want to make in this posting now. What are you going to do for the rest of your life? Well, something else then. You’ll find it. It’ll work out. And not in the way that the puzzle pieces of life just lay perfectly together kind of way but a think about it, reflect on it, try hard, and make a new vision for yourself kind of way. My point is – It’s okay for your goals to change. Dreams change. It can be frightening when they do but you know better than anyone what your dream is and if it’s changing, embrace that.

I had a dream once of becoming a teacher. I wanted to be the type of teacher where grades don’t matter as long as you are learning something. I wanted to be the type of teacher that thinks every person deserves an equal chance at being educated. I wanted to fill students with pride as they discovered new words and ideas. I wanted to pass on knowledge as power. Because of this when it came time for me to write down a goal I knew exactly what I was going to challenge myself with. In the 8^th grade I volunteered for a week in the Appalachian Mountains doing work with the Christian Appalachian Project and my classmates. Years later, in college, I wanted to go back, but this time by myself for a summer. I wrote my goal down on a block of plywood complete with a deadline and challenges I would need to overcome and sealed the corners with my initials. And then I broke the board. With my bare hands and some careful aim I broke through my fears of the goal and split the board in half. Imagine a karate chop but a real life using the palm of my hand and sheer force rather than a swinging movement. In that moment I was so sure I would be able to hang that board up in one piece after I returned from my trip. I was so sure of my dream.

(Maybe it's a sign that I wasn't supposed to help teach literacy in Appalachia since I can't even spell it right.)

(It's funny that although my goal changed my fears remained the same when I moved to VA. Good news is - they aren't fears anymore!)

As time went on the things I enjoyed and dreamt about teaching became less realistic and a whole lot more painful. I was so unhappy in the work I was doing. I lost my spark (did I really even have one to being with?) and I could absolutely not find it in me to continue wanting to be the type of teacher I once dreamed of. But I kept holding on, I had set a goal after all and I didn’t want to be the one to give up. I had a mentor tell me that it wasn’t giving up, it was just changing directions. It took me a long time to be able to look at that board that I so bravely and confidently broke through and not feel guilty or unaccomplished because I didn’t reach what was on it. But my path had changed, my summer was spent discovering more about myself at an internship which eventually led me to my career in student affairs. I never volunteered for CAP again but I did work at a university representing the central Appalachian area. Now I am sharing this board proudly with all of you because every goal set, achieved or changed, has a story to tell about who you are. My story has just as much passion for education, learning, and acceptance as I wanted to have as a teacher except I am using it in a way that is right for me.

As you might be freaking out about exams or preparing for the holidays take a minute to think about your goals and help yourself understand that it isn’t failure if you don’t reach them, it might just be wisdom. What’s that phrase? Things only fall apart so better things can come together.

Happy Belated Thanksgiving

Since most of the country just celebrated Thanksgiving last week the holiday has been on my mind. I’ve been thinking about what it really means to be thankful but before we get into that I have something else to get off my chest. Lots of people were complaining before Thanksgiving about Christmas decorations being up so soon. And I admit, October is a little soon, but in the week or two before Thanksgiving I am ready for some holiday cheer. I just think that Thanksgiving leads so well into getting me all warm and giddy inside for the rest of the winter holidays. I am completely okay with decorated trees and joyful music and spiced drinks beginning with Thanksgiving. In fact – I love it!

Now that I went off on this slight tangent I need to pull myself back around to the real purpose of this blog. My message today is to be thankful for what you have. I’m sure everyone has heard a parent say something like, “You better eat those green beans because there are starving children in Africa who would love them!” I don’t know about you but that didn’t make me want to eat my green beans anymore. (This is all hypothetical too, because I actually enjoyed healthy vegetables my whole life.) But still, the reason why I should be happy I have something is because someone else is going without? That doesn’t quite make sense to me. Or what about when someone says to you, “Oh well, it could be worse.” You know what – it could also be so much better too. What good does it do to think like that? We could play the what if, could be, should be, would be, game all day long but that doesn’t change the most important thing – what is.

Be thankful for what is… what is right in front of you, what is important to you, what is in the present. That’s all that you can control anyway, right? There is the quote about the present being a gift. Maybe it’s what’s in the present that is the gift. The opportunity to live is a gift. We all saw on Facebook how many people found things to be thankful for. Maybe you don’t need to post every detail that you are thankful for but feel it, recognize it, and know it in your heart. Carry it with you where ever you are and then you don’t have to wonder any what ifs or could be’s or think about children in Africa (although it would be nice of you to think of them or donate money or something). I can’t say it enough, I am so thankful for what is in my life. This morning as I drank a Cherry Coke and watched the sun rise through the fog on campus, today as I worked, studied, and laughed, this evening as I enjoyed my ice cream sundae with homemade apple pie topping, tonight as I am about to climb into a warm bed, and maybe most importantly, right now, when some of the people I love most in the world are reading what I have to say – I am so thankful for what I have and what is.

When possible, make a U-turn...

I can’t tell you the exact number of times I have driven from KY to VA or VA to KY. It’s been quite a few. If we average about once a month for a school year, a couple times over the summer, and the three times this semester it is probably close to 20 times (40 if you don’t count round trips). I don’t really know that for sure but I can tell you something that has happened every drive. First, every time I pass by the small family air field with three small one or two seat planes I say a prayer. Sometimes I smile, sometimes I cry but I always remember and I thank God for the life I have. Second, at some point in the drive I revel in my independence. I love the feeling of being alone and thinking and knowing I am in control of my journey. I get a travel high belting a song along with the radio, rolling the windows down, and feeling like I am flying through those mountains. I wish I could capture that feeling and use it other times. It’s the feeling that tells me I am unstoppable. I can do anything in this world that I want to. I am brave and beautiful and capable. For feeling so high and mighty, things don’t go exactly as I plan on these trips. Often there is traffic, annoying drivers, lots of construction, but I can’t help any of those things. What I can help is the navigation. I’m in charge! And I often get lost.

There are many ways to get from point A to point B and I have a habit of trying them out. It’s just something that happens to me. I get so lost. Today, while I was a bit turned around in Ohio trying to get back into Kentucky I thought about “being lost” and what that really means. It could be an annoying detour. Or the negative connotation that comes with being directionally challenged. If you are a little kid (or even an adult) it can be terrifying. I wasn’t feeling any of those things though. I was perfectly at peace just trying to figure things out. It’s all about perspective.

According to me, lostness is an opportunity. It is a gift to have time to discover, explore, learn, create whatever you want. When you have no one else to rely on but yourself, you just have to figure it out. There are no other options. It’s all up to you to ask the questions and to answer them. If you were never lost you could never be found. What an amazing feeling it is when you are the one who does the losing and the finding. You don’t have to worry about the individual pieces; I think all of those come together on their own. Just look towards the future, imagine what it takes to be found, and start. Do it, right now! Maybe you need to take a deep breath in there or yell out a “WTF” as you make another U-turn but you can get through. You can do it. You are lost!! How wonderful!!!

Another thing I realized about myself on this drive is that I am starting to mellow out. Dude, I can be so chill. I like being this way! Why don’t I do it more? That might take a bit more reflection…

CommUNITY

I cannot believe I am admitting this. I never thought I would say such a thing but here I go. I miss Kentucky basketball. The day they played their first game of the season my Facebook and Twitter were full of C-A-T-S cheers and #weareUK hashtags. Anyone that knows me, knows I could really care less about a sport, especially basketball. (There are some moments I actually enjoy watching football... or volleyball, now that I think about it, but for the most part...) I really believed I had better things to do than watch TV for a couple hours.  I think that always came across in a way I never intended it to. However, I did always care about the people playing, the people watching, and the community they create together. There is just something so special about “having a team.” Following their ups and downs and being invested. Teams create identities – just ask anyone who calls themselves a member of Big Blue Nation. There is an interconnectedness strangers share when they cheer for the same team. As this season started I realized how I don’t belong in this BBN community anymore. The people who connected me and who I shared in their joy and excitement with are no longer a part of my personal system. I don’t have enough drive to bleed blue on my own. It was the connection I shared with others that made the experience so special and meaningful. Yes, I’ll wear my University of Kentucky hoodie and be so excited when someone in VA honks at me and waves because of my UK car decal but I really know now, I don’t belong to that system of Big Blue love. Maybe it’s the phenomenon that because I don’t have the opportunity to watch the games anymore, cook up snacks, check in to ask the score, etc. that I miss it – because I can’t have it. Regardless, I’m jealous of the people who’s team gives them a spirit, love, and identity that I will never have on my own.

Kentucky is far away and as much as I will always call it home I do have a community here in Virginia that I am a part of which, frankly, I think others should have feelings of jealousy about. I have the most incredible support system I could have ever dreamed of in my CSPA cohort. They are my home away from home. My JMU family. Moving to Virginia and pursuing this career field that I adore has been one of the best decisions of my life and I really credit that to the connections and relationships I have built here. We can understand each other in a way that no one else can and that is special. We celebrated a Thanksgiving dinner together with the first year cohort this weekend and I took a moment to let it sink in how lucky I am. I might not have stores dedicated to paraphernalia of our identity but I have inside jokes, shared experiences, challenges, life stories, and closeness with these people that no amount of t-shirts could make up for. In the game of life I really care about the people who are playing on the same team as me and the people at home who are watching and the combined community that I am so thankful to be a member of. So no, I don’t have a team that I watch on TV that gives me passion for a sport or a color, but every day I wake up and get the maximum amount of playing time possible by being engaged in my life. Some days I lose and some days I win. Today is a winning kind of day!

Although, I still can’t believe I wrote a sports inspired blog!

Kentucky Girl Luck

If you are lucky enough to be alive, you are lucky enough. I can’t even put into words how lucky I feel to have the life I live. I am not just alive, I am living. But after hearing from some rather important people in my life that my blog can make me sound bitter or puts them in a depressed mood after reading it I thought I needed to lighten things up here. And then I told them, “If you don’t like it, don’t read it.” Which I still believe holds true but maybe they had a point. Maybe I need to share more of my joy since I have that too. However, if you are really concerned if I am depressed or bitter then call me. Talk to me. Let’s swap stories. News flash: I don’t put everything going on in my life in my blog. There is a lot more to my day to day than what you see here, on Facebook, or Twitter.

Back in February (yes that long ago) I was posting a positive a day. Back then I really needed those positives to keep me going. I needed the constant reminder that things were going to be okay and I was happy. Today I don’t feel the need to do that, every day I feel that I am surrounded by positivism. I leave my apartment with the sun coming up and as I am walking down the stairs I always think, “Wow, another day. Here we go! Let’s do it!” Some days, more than others, I reflect on how it feels to live on my own in Virginia and take care of myself. I draw so much pride in my independence and enjoy using that feeling to have productive days. (Other days I just jam out to Ke$ha in the car and I am not ashamed about that either!) There is something about the mountains surrounding the valley and the fog lingering in the air that makes me feel like this life is so much bigger than me. The interconnectedness of the world can really make your mind spin if you think about it.

I am thinking about all of this today because last night I was talking to friend who was feeling down. And we all have days like that, don’t we? Everything I said he had a reason to why I was wrong. I knew I should have just been there for him and listened. I knew I wasn’t going to change his mind. He didn’t need to want my advice. But I have that spark in me that still believes no matter how terrible and rough life gets, it ain’t all that bad. I couldn’t help but try to convince him of the worthiness and purpose he holds in my life, and so many others, simply by being here on this earth. Sometimes when you are feeling so bad nothing but time can make it better. I’d challenge him though, if he is reading this, to do something with that time. The power isn’t in the time – it is in what you do with it.

I really don’t believe that people can be happy 100% of their life and I don’t believe people want to be. You have to know some sadness to appreciate joy when it is present. Embrace the sadness, bitterness, anger, guilt, whatever you think it might be in your life that is holding you back and love that feeling. Recognize it and know it and be glad that you have it because that means you are here. If you are using your time right soon enough you will know the feelings of joy, freedom, happiness, and peace that might replace it. So my question to you, friends, is what do you do with your time? When the going gets tough and the tough get going – what are you doing? How do you fill your “time” so it changes you?

Today I plan on cleaning my apartment. Yes, some of it is my mess but lots of it is my roommate’s and she is gone this weekend. I’m going to clean it anyway. I love her and can give a little bit to her in this way. I am also going to send a few snail mail cards to people I care about. There is just something special about a greeting card if you ask me. And my last goal for today is to create a presentation for a conference I’ll be going to next weekend. The presentation is about how to get into a student affairs grad program and know that it is right for you. I am thrilled to be able to share my passion for this field with others. I am going to ask once more before I sign out – what are you doing with your time? 

Honest honesty.

Everyone says that honesty is one of their most valued characteristics in a partner, friend, coworker, supervisor, etc. Everyone says that they are a really honest person, honest worker, honest employee, etc. The question I pose today is: is that really true? Is honesty a quality you value? Do you show honesty in your everyday life? When you talk to friends, acquaintances, significant others, etc. are you honest? I bet your initial reaction is to shout out, “Are you honestly asking me this, Emily? Of course, I am honest!”

In my opinion I just think that how honest you are depends on your motivation. When your level of motivation outweighs your need to be honest then you just aren’t as truthful as you can be. Of course, every situation can be different but you know, dear reader, that I am going to pull in examples from my life. I think I learn things the best when I see and feel them and right now I have picked up on this theme so let’s explore…

I have a new friend who is so honest. He doesn’t have anything to gain or lose by being honest – he just is. And man, let me tell you, it is so refreshing! I never get nervous about asking him questions because I know he’ll tell me the straight up truth. All in all, honesty is a good look for him and I really appreciate it. However, he only has to be honest about himself. No one else’s feelings or perceptions are involved. I mean, I guess I could be judging him (which I would never do J) and he might shy away from telling me something because of that but I don’t think that’s the case. Regardless, this changes things a little when compared with another type of honesty – the type where someone else is involved.

Have you ever heard the phrase, “A truth that draws a tear is better than a lie that draws a smile?” The premise of this quote is what I am trying to get at. I want people to tell me the truth. Tell me the most gosh awful hurtful painful truth because I know that will be better in the end. Most break ups end with some form of a lie, I realize that, but if you really cared about the person at all wouldn’t you want to respect them enough to give them an honest answer? An answer that they deserve. Don’t tell me you want to stay friends if you don’t. Don’t tell me you’ll always be there for me when you won’t. Don’t tell me we might still have potential for a future if we don’t. Don’t tell me you want the best for me and then lie to me. Don’t do it. *end my short rant here* It doesn’t just have to do with breakups, friends feed into this I-don’t-want-to-hurt-you-but-I-know-what-I-have-to-say-sucks-so-I-am-not-going-to-say-it mentality too. I just think everything would be so much easier if I could know what I am working with right from the beginning and then use that information as power. Power to move on. Power to make decisions. Power to grieve and then be happy again.

When you were little someone probably told you to just rip the band aid off really fast all at once because it stings less that way. I am telling you right now, rip the truth. Just say what you mean, don’t make me guess and figure it out. Here is an analogy: this band aid was on for a purpose – to help heal a hurt. Leave the band aid on and when the time is right rip that sucker off and you should see a difference. It’s healed, it’s smaller, it’s better. There still might be some pain or you might need some antibiotic cream but you’re getting there – you are making progress. In another scenario you have a wound that won’t heal and no one liked you enough to give you a band aid so you keep picking at the scab. You pick and it bleeds and it grows back and you pick it again. It’s this cycle where you are hurting the entire time. And even after you think the wound has healed and the scab is gone there might be a scar. A constant reminder of a hurt of your past. An underlying sign that you aren’t the same. You were hurt for too long and that is what’s left. You’ll still live and you’ll still get through it and you’ll learn to ignore it but it could have been an easier process. My friends, let’s help each other make this already confusing complicated life a smoother journey for each other. Let’s tell the truth. Be brave and put all that value you say you have in honesty into the person you really need to be honest with. Don’t let your motivation for “not wanting to hurt someone” stop you from letting them heal – after all that is the best way to help them in the end.

You all realize that this is only my opinion. Share yours if you have one. Find a flaw in my theory? Be honest – point it out. What this realization about honesty means to me is that I need to continue working on being more honest. I think we all do. I need to be a little more assertive in my responses with friends and a little less passive aggressive. I want friends who support and challenge me. I hope I am on the path to growing into the same type of friend I’d like to have. And if I am not – tell me! I’ve heard it called serving the truth with love. That’s what I would like to do and have done to me – the cold hard truth wrapped in warm cozy love. Now if that isn't a nice thought on a chilly fall night, I don't know what is.

It's OK to be sad

My parents came to visit this weekend. We jammed packed their visit with as many Valley treats as possible. We fit in a full day of hiking in the Shenandoah National Park enjoying the beginning of the leaves changing, fresh fall scents, and silly photo shoots to show Ben what he was missing. We also got our Farmer’s Market fix – I’m going to try making spaghetti squash for the first time! We drove out to an apple orchard where we got some extremely fresh apples, a pumpkin, and did a hard cider tasting. Of course, we ate at wonderful downtown restaurants until we were stuffed. I loved having you both here!

In two of the TV shows I occasionally watch (Modern Family and Castle) there were scenes about daughters moving away to college this week. I cried both times – I can’t help it! It’s funny because I don’t remember a terrible moment of moving away to college. I’m sure I had one or two or three.. but they aren't as strong in my memory as some more current emotions. Watching my parents drive away from my apartment after such a great weekend I can relate to that lost and alone feeling that was so evident in the TV shows. All of a sudden my apartment feels much too big for me. It’s like all the joy that they filled my home with left with them. I know I’m being dramatic but it is really sad after they are gone.

I think the same thing happens with break-ups. No matter the reason for a relationship ending, it can be really sad to realize I am now on this life journey alone. Before I was a co-pilot reading the road map of life with a partner and now in the blink of an eye I have to steer, follow directions, change air filters, talk to police officers, and sing the harmony and melody parts with the radio ALONE! All by myself! But then, I started to figure it out. Before I knew it I realized I am actually pretty good at steering with my knee as I try to reprogram the GPS. I learned that the guys who work at Auto Zone don’t always want to screw me over – they actually enjoy helping if they can. All police officers (as I discovered) aren't out to give massive speeding tickets, they might really just want me to be safe. I started to figure out I can do it by myself. The sharpness of heartbreak still takes my breath away from time to time. Just like the emptiness after my parents leave can be so big when I dwell on it. But as my days begin to unfold and life moves me along not only have I realized I can survive this trip, I have learned I am not as alone as I thought. (And maybe one day, an eligible bachelor will be the one helping me at the Auto Zone.)

I think my point is: having these conflicting feelings is okay! Actually, it is normal. It is human. As happy as I am when my parents are here visiting I am still sad when they leave. That is perfectly okay. As happy as I was in my relationship I am allowed to grieve for the loss of having a co-pilot. (Maybe in the journey of life I've been upgraded to a solo pilot because someone out there knows I can handle it. I need to keep that same faith in myself.) I think the last few months I have been ignoring the sadness that can come with changes and I certainly haven’t wanted to blog about it! (Who wants to read a depressing monologue?!... If you do, pick up some Shakespeare.) I think I’m ready to start being honest about some of the feelings I've been left to deal with. I know I've said it before – it sucks! I’m talking about getting a little deeper than that though – my heart hurts.

Accepting that I feel sad about something doesn't mean I am not still grateful for my wonderful life, beautiful friends, promising opportunities, exciting adventures, good health, and positive attitude. I’m just tuning in a little more carefully to how it feels to be me. If you don’t like it, don’t read the blog. I have developed some fantastic skills to help me through this new realization. (The fact that I am considering “It’s okay to be sad” a new realization is a little bit funny to me. It seems like such an easy concept.) One of these skills is a sense of humor and the ability to laugh at myself. Come on, even I know, the single girl life can be pretty hilarious. So am I laughing or crying as I write this? Both. And you know what? Feeling that way is pretty damned normal!

My First Time

First, let me point out that you can now follow the blog by email. Over here to the right!

I made the 7 hour journey from the Burg to the Bluegrass this weekend. This time instead of me and a Nicholas Sparks book on CD I had Shauna with me for company! The purpose of the trip was so she could find a new car and we could stop sharing mine – a worthy goal for sure! The beginning of a long drive is always the easiest. You are singing and talking and snacking. We were having no problems at all! In fact, I was telling her a hilarious/embarrassing/gross/entertaining story that we were cracking up over. Then we both saw it at the same time – black SUV parked on the side of the highway, lights on top, pulling out right as I drive by. I look at my speedometer and the dreadful feeling of “Oh shit.” washes over me. I was going way too fast. I don’t know how my foot got so heavy or when I turned cruise control off but here was the moment of truth. I’m gradually slowing down and the SUV is steadily getting closer to my tail. I think he was close enough to read every bumper sticker before he turned his lights on. And there it was folks – my first time being pulled over.

The officer was friendly enough and had an adorable West Virginia accent. I wish I could recreate it in writing for you. He was curious as to where we were going and where we were coming from. I think I acted calm and friendly but really I was shaking like a leaf! He asked if I knew why I was pulled over and I gave him a big ole “Yes sir,” and I’m sure I threw a smile in there too. I knew exactly why I was being pulled over but I didn’t want to let him know I knew how fast I was going, even if it was purely by accident! After he looked up my information and came back with his little pink pad of paper I had a brief flash of fear about getting my license suspended. He asked why I was in such a hurry and if I knew how fast I was going? I hit him with the truth and told him I wasn’t in a hurry and I don’t even know how I got going that fast! He said it was easy to do but going that fast won’t get me home at all (meaning it will get me killed I think). He had me sign off on the little pink slip but made sure I knew it wasn’t a ticket, just a warning. He didn’t want to ruin my weekend! I looked up at him, so grateful, and said, “This is my first time ever being pulled over. I don’t know if you want to take that as a good or bad thing.” He replied, “Oh ma’am, it’s a very good thing. Now ya’ll be safe.” I wanted to tell him that I didn’t like his pen very much but I didn’t want to push my luck so I just told Shauna.

As we entered the WV Turnpike we passed each other a few more times. I couldn’t help but smile remembering my first time, not because I got away without a ticket but because it was just the lesson I needed to take my driving safety up a notch. This man could have just saved my life! (I also signed a no texting while driving pledge this weekend too. Thanks dad!) Yes, I just turned getting pulled over into a positive meaningful event!

Another quick thing I wanted to add in this post was some of my thoughts on “home.” I wasn’t really looking forward to making the trip back to KY. I felt like so much of my life, work, and friends were all in Harrisonburg. Yes, I love Kentucky so much, and I love my family and friends there but I almost feel more settled in the Valley now. I spent all last year missing and wishing I was at home spending time in my relationship. I don’t have that to go back to anymore and it’s a weird feeling but it is so fulfilling to know I am creating my own home, my own happiness. How crazy is it to think y’all that at this time next year I could very well be setting up shop in a new home, new state, new school?! That used to really freak me out but ya know, I’m okay with it now. I think know I can handle it.

30 Seconds of Courage

This weekend was a super fun time in the Burg. I didn’t get lots of homework done like I wanted to but I got to be very social and that was a nice change of pace. We spent time at Bluestone Vineyard, the Artful Dodger, and partying around Longview Oaks! Just one update before I get into the rest of the weekend – Remember the guy that asked Shauna to call him? Well, he now has added her to a group text and sent out the message, “What’s poppin” yesterday night. Needless to say, she is taking after me and has stopped responding. Idiot.

Okay, so this weekend on Friday afternoon/evening there was a graduate school dinner for all graduate students and their families. Of course, lots of CSPAers were there being social and loving on the free food. At some point during the dinner I decided this would be a perfect place to try to meet normal nice people who aren’t in my cohort… which evolved to Emily and Greg scouting out attractive men. Duh. After a few no-goes Greg pointed out two super cute guys sneaking in a little late. They sat down with their food and Greg and I started to head over to chat them up about joining the Graduate Student Association but then they got up to get drinks. Ugh. By this time my table knows what’s going on. I think they also know how uncharacteristic it is of me to go up and talk to strangers, even if I have a reason to. I think I took this as a challenge and thought to myself, I am never going to make new friends if I don’t talk to new people. So I used my 30 seconds of brave independent woman courage and walked over to talk to them by myself! It was a pretty monumental moment that has now been documented in history thanks to my friends for taking pictures. Haha but here’s what happened once I got over there:

I gave my GSA opening remarks and before I had to scramble to say something else intelligent the guys informed me about GSA because they work for The Graduate School and one of their friends is also on the executive board with Greg and Candace. They asked if I knew their friend and oddly enough the name sounded familiar (this never happens to me at JMU!) and it clicked. Their friend lives in the apartment across from me, we’re neighbors! After I said this they looked pretty surprised – and for good reason – they were dog sitting this weekend while their friend is out of town! They knew exactly where I lived and what my lovely JMU wreath looked like. This is where awkward Emily made her grand appearance by wishing them both a great weekend and leaving without introducing myself. I think I was just thrown off by the it’s-a-small-world-after-all effect that was going on… or my 30 seconds of courage were up. I returned back to my table and gave everyone the thumbs up. I did it! I made new friends! Even if I have no clue what their names are…

Later that night morning (2AM) I wrote a note to the dog sitters of Apartment D and taped it to their door. At this point, what did I have to lose? They already know I live here! The note basically just said, “Knock on our door if you are bored and come be our friends!” To our surprise the next afternoon when we were leaving our apartment we found reply hidden in the wreath saying to have a great day and we might have some company later. Who knew that making new friends could be so fun!? We did chat it up later in the day, officially exchanged names, and shared a few beers during the UofL football game (while checking the score of the JMU game). It was a good afternoon which led into a great evening full of more CSPA friends too. My apartment was filled to capacity with people! Can't wait until next time y'all!

The crazy moral of this story is something that I have known all along but have a very difficult time putting into practice. Meet someone new! Talk to people! Get to know them! Surprise yourself with 30 seconds of courage and it will pay off. I think I am going to have an extended network of new grad school friends and I’m pretty happy about it. To me, that is definitely worth a little risk. I told the two guys that I would probably blog about this so if they ever read it, I hope they are happy with the way they were presented (not creepy) and if they aren’t - I didn’t use their names in order to protect the innocent :)

Cheers to new friends, fall nights, and CSPA bonding!

Nice Rack!

So I have a few serious thoughts to get out of the way and then I’ll give y’all the grand single life update. I know you are dying to know what (or who!) has been occupying my time lately. I don’t know if I’m on my second or third life revelation (the first was that wearing make up makes you look prettier) but who’s keeping count anyway so I’m just gonna go with it. My newest revelation is that first, relationships ending suck. That’s a given. But the reasons why are the real sad parts. I lost someone who used to be my best friend. Someone who I relied on and who relied on me. Someone who became my superhero on really bad days and my biggest cheerleader on really good days. This someone turns into a void, practically nonexistent in all of the everyday moments. Oh sure, I still think of him, but who I am thinking of is not the same person anymore. This brings me to the main point of my discovery. The person who I love only exists in the past. He only lives on in the memories I’ve gathered up and stored in a shoebox. My job for the future is to heal and grow. I am changing my perspective on life and striving to be the best me that I can be. I can’t say what his job is or if he is changing or not. It’s not my business to know any of that but what I do know is: the person he is today and who he has become since he left my life is a stranger. I refuse to let myself think that is a sad fact. I am looking at that as a comfort. I was lucky enough to have a really happy thing at one point but now, I can’t feel that way about someone I don’t even know.

Alright, now all of that is out of the way… Or if you’re one of those people that avoid anything emotional and sappy at all costs, this will be the first part of the post you actually comprehend. I don’t want to say that being single is so terrible but I also don’t want to say it is so amazing either. It just is. Like me, I just am. And I’ll tell ya what, I am pretty darn happy. I feel fantastic about what I have to offer the world! I posted something similar on Facebook this week and my wonderful supervisor from this summer said, “You should feel like that every day!” I thought about it for awhile and I do feel like that every day I just hadn’t found a way to articulate it.

Even though I may feel incredible about myself, the guys in Harrisonburg sure aren’t picking up on that! (Or maybe they are just too intimidated. Guys, that’s a real fear right?) My roommate, Shauna, takes the cake for award winning texting conversations this post. Here’s a snippet from last weekend:

Guy: Hey, what’s good?

Shauna: Who is this?

Guy: We met at a party.*

(insert more awkward small talk)

Guy: What’s happenin tonight?

Shauna: Having some friends over for dinner.

Guy: Call me tomorrow.

*First, we didn’t meet this idiot at a party. We met him at a bar – a public venue on a Saturday night 15 days ago! How strange to contact her now! Although, we gave him the benefit of the doubt because Shauna (who is much better at not giving away all of her personal information when exchanging phone numbers) saved her number in his phone as GO CARDS! so it was understandable he couldn’t get in touch with her even if he wanted to. Then again, he doesn’t sound like he wanted to that badly. Call me tomorrow? Ugh. I can’t even talk about this level of stupidity anymore.

This week, I went to a kickboxing class with my friend Maggie. It was an amazing workout and I really felt like I kicked some serious butt! (I woke up the next day feeling like I’d been hit by a truck but that’s another story…) As soon as I saw her I couldn’t hold in my good news any longer. “I met a guy today!” I burst out. Without missing a beat she says, “Is he a student?” There wasn’t really any way around that one... I just had to go with the truth. Yes. Yes, he is a student. So therefore… No. No , I didn’t really meet a guy today I just reviewed his resume.

Overall, I’d say the highlight of the last two weeks has been taking out the trash and noticing a wine rack near the dumpster. Right away I walked skipped back to the apartment to get Shauna and show her my great find. She approved! We carried it back to the apartment where I washed it down and cleaned it up. The next step in my I-must-be-mature-if-I-have-a-wine-rack experience is to sand all the nasty spots where it looks like a poorly trained puppy was allowed to use it for a chew toy. Otherwise, it is in really great condition! Eventually, I’m going to paint it and then here comes the best part - stock it with wine... or vodka. Okay, both. Cheers to a wine/vodka rack! The newest addition to 334C!

The Adventures of a Single Girl

I’ve been out a couple times since I last posted and the single life is not getting any easier! (I have however, been wearing make up and I think I’m getting prettier! That's a plus.) I just really like being with my friends (I’m DFF all night, every night! And that means Down For Fun! If anyone is wondering..) so when I have to devote time to strangers it gets a little exhausting. I don’t mind meeting new people, in fact, I enjoy it, but when they are telling me about their drug use I get a little bored. Or the guy whose dog just died and he is out drinking away his sorrows… I have a difficult time connecting with that. Let’s not forget the guy who sent his friend to talk to me because he was too scared himself. Seriously?! I can’t even handle that. And you all remember mint green V-neck guy who asked me to buy him a drink? I think I met his third cousin who also asked me to buy him a drink which he thought guaranteed sole ownership of being my dance partner all night. Needless to say, I didn’t buy him a drink. One of my favorite types of guys to meet are the ones that give you a fake name when you first meet them. That really helps me trust the men in this world. Regardless of the strife, it’s still fun to be on the look out for cute guys. Unfortunately for me and Shauna we end up being surrounded by men that look homeless most of the time. And if not homeless looking, severely vertically challenged… (if you were there you know what I mean.)

So now that we know my choice of men is top notch let me get into another issue. Giving out my phone number. What is the proper protocol for that? What do I say if I don’t want to give it to him? It doesn’t matter what I should say because I go brain dead in the moment anyway and end up typing my first and last name, social security number, parents address, and old instant messenger user name into his phone. This then leads to further problems… random text messages from people I wasn’t all that interested in to begin with! I win them over with my shining personality I think. Let me give you some examples:

Example 1)

Guy: I hope to see you again

Me: My car battery died

Example 2)

Guy: I'll be around next weekend, let me know if you’re trying to hang out

Me: It looks like today will be a perfect day for hiking!

Example 3)

Guy: Do you work out a lot?

Me: (no response)

Example 4)

Guy: Hey, I have a case of beer and a bottle of jack

Me: Have fun?

Ugh, enough of that stimulating conversation... You hear about unique places to meet men featured in articles on various women’s self help websites or magazines. I thought I’d try a new one out: the bookstore. The Green Valley Discount Book Fair to be exact. Nothing says romance like a giant warehouse full of senior citizens squinting to read the small print, screaming children screaming about everything, and having to carry a shopping basket that becomes so heavy you get imprints in your forearms after 7 minutes. Okay so the real goal wasn’t to meet a man, we were there because Shauna and I love books and were filling up our rainy Saturday afternoon. However, I found a man stalker. We made eye contact in the poetry section, across the room from best sellers and writing references, and then again over a poorly placed Tucker Max book. I quickly realized somehow no matter when or where I looked up there he was. Shauna and I met up again and moved to the juvenile fiction section and I turn around and there he was. Next we wondered to the women’s health section.. no sign is a good sign, so we continued to self help/relationship advice. We are cracking up over some flirting tips (which we both need!) and who is there enjoying the sound of our laughter? My stalker! Holding a women’s health book upside down and staring right at us. Oh joy. It’s time to leave. As we were standing in line Shauna alerts me to his nearing presence and I finally realize, “I should have just said hi in the very beginning and gotten all this awkwardness over with.” Then an even bigger realization hits me: he is wearing jorts. Jorts! We were outta there!

The Cold Hard Truth

Okay, so I know a few posts ago I talked about relationships changing and good days and bad days and blah blah blah. If anyone can make a break up sound warm and fuzzy then I think I did just that. If I was too subtle for most of you – here is the straight up truth with no games or hidden meanings – I am a single girl! (Just to help you if you don’t get it yet here are some other key words: break up, heartbroken, dumped, “It’s-not-you-it’s-me”… following now? Haha)

A break up is a pretty big deal. I’m a person who is very in tune with my emotions but I’m also kinda smart J so my heart and my head have been fighting a lot lately. I’m lucky I have some good friends and an even better mom who deal with my chatter all the time. At least I’m not crying! Okay, so maybe once or twice, BUT I have been getting lots of “Wow, Emily, you are handling this way better than I thought you would.” I guess my friends expected me to be a train wreck or something. Thanks guys!

I guess it just felt wrong to be blogging about this before because it is so much a part of someone else’s life as it is mine. But I am able to apply one of my favorite pieces of life advice almost every day now: You can’t control other people or even what happens to you but you can control your reaction to it. And y’all better believe that I am reacting completely for my benefit! So I am just going to focus on me and not worry about broadcasting someone else’s business. For example, as I am writing this I am drinking a cup of coffee and eating some Nutter Butter Bites (I know you’re jealous, Dad, the breakfast of champions). I’m wearing leggings as pants and an oversized t-shirt. I have the lovely amenities at my apartment such as a heating pad for my back cramps and a view from my living room of the mountains surrounding the valley. I also don’t plan on showering for awhile and I might even watch The Notebook later while I’m crafting. I would say that my reaction is pretty much set for today. I actually think people wish they had my life.

After being in a relationship for 3.5 years I have seemed to have forgotten some of the rituals of being a single girl… or maybe not even forgotten, I don’t think I’ve ever even experienced them! Something I learned after going out socially the last two nights is that I should try to do my hair and make-up. I get I want people to love me for me and all that but I gotta draw them in somehow (and hope they don’t realize they’ve been tricked later)! Something else I realized I have no idea how to maneuver is approaching/being approached by random strangers at the bar. This new life is going to be so interesting! This post if getting somewhat long so I am going to just leave you with my first real adventure as a single girl. Hopefully you can laugh at it as much as I did!!

Setting the scene: A few of my friends in Harrisonburg went out for a drink special at a bar we like.

What happened: Me and Taylor went up to pay out our tabs before leaving. Taylor stood at the bar first and I waited behind her. I really wasn’t paying attention to anything so I was surprised when I got up to the bar and picked up the pen the guy next to me said, “You really shouldn’t have to be paying for that.” I gave him a confused look and then a smile because he was cute, tan, and had a mint green v-neck on. He continued by saying, “You are way too pretty to pay for that. You need to say to the bartender, ‘Excuse me, I look good so I can get out of paying this right?’” I laughed and said quite honestly, “I could never do that! I don’t really get how girls can always get free drinks and stuff.” He then replied with his most winning remark of the short interaction, “If you don’t mind paying then, do you care if I add my drink to your bill?” I smiled at him waiting for it to be a joke but he just stared back at me. He was serious. So I did what any smart newly single girl would do when such a treasure is right in front of them – I paid for his drink and asked for his number….. Um no! Are you kidding me?!! I got the heck out of there is more like it!!

How to Make a Beautiful Life

My parents got me a card for my birthday. Mom said it is the kind of card I would get someone else so she bought it for me. Of course, I cried. I'm going to type out the whole card here so it'll be like giving it to all of you too.

Love yourself. MAKE PEACE with who you are and where you are at this moment in time.

Listen to you heart. If you can't hear what it's saying in this noisy world, MAKE TIME for yourself. Enjoy your own company. Let you mind wander among the stars.

Try. Take chances. MAKE MISTAKES. Life can be mess and confusing at times, but it's also full of surprises. The next rock in your path might be a stepping stone.

Be happy. When you don't have what you want, want what you have. MAKE DO. That's a well-kept secret of contentment.

There aren't any shortcuts to tomorrow. You have to MAKE YOUR OWN WAY. To know where you're going is only part of it. You need to know where you've been, too. And if you ever get lost, don't worry. The people who love you will find you. Count on it.

Life isn't days and years. It's what you do with time and with all the goodness and grace that's inside you. MAKE A BEAUTIFUL LIFE... The kind of life you deserve, the kind of life God has planned for you.

As I start the 23rd year of my life, I only hope that it continues to be a beautiful journey. The next time I post something I'll be back in Harrisonburg and the journey will really have begun! Love to you all. xoxo

Bittersweet Symphony

Wow! It's been a month since I last posted. I don't know why I am always surprised by how long it's been since I blogged. I think the realization and reflection that time is going by and I'm not stopping to recognize it always hits me hard. So much has happened in the last few weeks. Some good and some bad. I'm taking every day as a new day and some days I am happy and some days I am sad. Yesterday was a sad day. Today has been super happy though! In the end it all balances out.

Some really important relationships in my life have been changing over the past couple of weeks. I am usually supportive of change even if I don't like it happening. In the end, I think change is always worthwhile and valuable because you learn something - whether a lesson is positive or negative it is still a lesson learned. So basically, some relationships I have are changing and I haven't quiet figured out the lesson yet. It is a difficult place to be right now in the moment but I know the power time has. Actually, one of my favorite quotes is, "Time doesn't heal all wounds but what you do with that time does." My job right now is to be the best version of me that I can be. I can cheers to that! Here's to living life!

A huge highlight of the last week or so was a trip to Fort Myers, Florida! With my leg treatments I can't have my legs get in the sun so I didn't do much sun bathing but I did enjoy walking on the beach, spending time with friends, laughing, drinking, eating, exploring, and forgetting real life for a few days. My friend, Tracy, is working a summer internship at Florida Gulf Coast University and my mentor, Sarah, happens to have a condo near by! It was the perfect opportunity to reconnect. Tracy lives in Illinois during the year for her grad program so we never get enough time to spend together. Who would have thought two Kentucky girls who live in Virginia and Illinois would be able to meet up in Florida of all places!? I'm looking forward to many more trips across the country to visit in our futures. Hopefully, our good friend, Jason, can join us on other adventures as well! He was my driving partner down and back from FL and he put up with every idea of craziness that popped into mine or Tracy's mind. I can't thank him enough for being such a big support in my life. It was wonderful to be able to vacation with people I love so much! (I can't really remember the last time I vacationed so from now on I hope it happens a lot more!)

Something that we talked about on the trip and I've been reflecting on since I've been home have been moments. Monumental moments that might not seem that spectacular to anyone else except the person experience it. A moment that shows you a glimpse at how blessed and perfect your life is. A carefree moment with no worries or thoughts or concerns. Just the pureness that life is a gift and I am filled with joy, happiness, and contentment kind of moment. The moment you take a breath and close your eyes and work on ingraining that second or minute of bliss into your mind forever. A picture of everything you have ever wanted out of life captured into one place at one time. Does anyone out there know what I am talking about? Have you had a moment like this? How would you describe it? Would you care to leave an example? Think about it. If you don't have a moment like this to think about then do it. Create a moment. That's what this bittersweet symphony really is after all, a collection of moments.

Yee Yee!!

Today is my last day at the University of Pikeville. I am excited to see some very special people up in the NKY but I'm super sad to be leaving. I'm sitting in my boss' office right now typing out my feelings. I still have a few things to move out of my room and into the car, I guess you could say I'm delaying the process. If you asked me a year ago if I thought I would have moved twice since last August (and am getting ready to move again!), worked three different jobs (and am getting ready to start another one!), passed 6 graduate level classes with a 4.0 GPA (and am actually looking forward to starting classes again), have built the best relationship I can imagine with my parents, made it through the tough times in a long distance relationship with the most awesome understanding man in the world, stayed in touch with friends from undergrad (even though that we all live far away from each other now), created a second family with my JMU CSPA cohort, and got to hang out with 10 unique UPIKE students who have taught me so much in a few short weeks I would have thought it wasn't possible!

I can hardly even believe this is my life. How did I become so independent? How did I grow into a woman of pride and purpose? How did I get so blessed? I am taking risks more than I ever thought I would. Anytime I feel that uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach that means I am learning something and ya know, I haven't regretted sticking with that awful feeling yet. I hope I continue to find people who will challenge me. I certainly created an awesome support system while at UPIKE. I learned some key things here that I will take with me to my next work place and hopefully to my personal life as well. (These are all lessons I have made up, the University of Pikeville does not endorse them.)

UPIKE Lesson #1 - Laugh more. Don't take yourself too seriously. It's okay to have fun while you are working too. In fact, it makes the whole process so much more enjoyable! Be happy. Laugh!

UPIKE Lesson #2 - Don't be passive aggressive. Say what you mean, mean what you say, and say it to who needs to hear it. No good can come from whispering around behind people's backs. Speak up for yourself and be honest. Some people will appreciate it and some people won't but remember, being assertive doesn't mean you are a bad or mean person.

UPIKE Lesson #3 - Teach a student how to do something for themselves and maybe next time they will be able to do it on their own. Do something for a student time and time again because it is "easier" and you are going to be the one stuck with all the work and the student will never learn.

UPIKE Lesson #4 - You won't click with everyone. Some students will be drawn to you and feel comfortable and others will want nothing to do with you. Don't take it personally. You can still work in a professional manner with them. I didn't come into this job to be best friends with students anyway. I did come with the intention to love them and want what is best for them no matter if they like me or not.

UPIKE Lesson #5 - Don't be afraid to be alone. It's easy to not want to go out to eat by yourself or go to a movie alone or take a walk with your own thoughts. We usually aren't raised to be comfortable with being by ourselves. Do it anyway! Be confident. Of course you should want to spend time with yourself - you are amazing!

To all the students and staff at the University of Pikeville who helped make my experience better than I could have ever imagined this post is dedicated to you! Thank you so much! Please let me know if you ever need anything at all. UPIKE and these mountains will always have a place in my heart. Just like Earl Dibbs Jr. does. (Watch that for a good laugh and to understand my title.)

Friend of Coal: The Rally!

This post has the potential to turn into a political debate and that is not my intent at all. I just want to feature the culture I have been surrounded by during my time in Pikeville. The reason why the coal industry has been so interesting to me since I've been here dates all the way back to the 8th grade. I traveled to Louisa, KY which right on the boarder of Kentucky and West Virginia. Here the small town depended on coal for their livelihood. They lived and breathed coal and still many people in the area lived in poverty. I spent a week doing service work at various homes and store fronts helping them catch up on almost any project at all. After this trip I knew how important coal could be to some people, especially when it was all they had. Fast forward many years and I started my college career at NKU. The freshman class' common reading book was called Lost Mountain. This book is about the dangers of strip mining to the economy and wilderness. The picture it paints is a terrible one, however, in class I found myself playing devil's advocate. I still had the faces of the people who needed this source of income to survive ingrained in my mind. After the year was over and the topic on campus calmed down it was easier to put my stance on coal mining aside. I didn't like the danger it caused but I also didn't want to destroy hardworking peoples futures. This was still my position when I came to Pikeville.

Everywhere I looked there were "Friends of Coal" stickers, t-shirts, bracelets, license plates, etc. Even on the University of Pikeville's campus we are getting ready to name a new medical school building the "Coal Building." The common reading program at UPIKE supports Kentucky authors and focuses on the lives and history of eastern Kentucky when they make their decision on which book to choose. I've read most of them and enjoyed them (Gap Creek, Coal Tattoo, Clay's Quilt). One thing is for sure though, if anyone chose Lost Mountain as a book for the entire freshman class to read, they would lose their job in a heartbeat.

This is just a snip-it of where I was on the day I heard music down at the city park. I decided to walk down and see what was going on. From the very beginning I could see it was a Friends of Coal event because there were tshirt and signs everywhere! There were coal miners in their uniforms and families surrounding them. There was also a huge cook out set out as well as other free snacks. I didn't want to intrude though so I sat on a bench and observed, listening to music, and smiled as families walked by. One woman came up to me and said "Honey! The rally is about to start! Go get in line and get ya a tshirt and sign to hold on! Ask for a bracelet too! Run on now, hurry!" It must have been her southern charm but before I knew it I was armed with a Support Coal bracelet, a bumper sticker, and a poster. I heard the announcer say "Come on now y'all, get in closer now, we can't have a rally without any people! Scoot in!" Well, you all know how I like to follow the rules so there I went, third row, front and center! I was ready for the rally! I wasn't sure what I was rallying for at first but as the speakers came up one by one and the cheers grew louder I understood that the EPA was attempting to pass legislation that would hurt the coal industry. At some times I was laughing at myself for being caught in the middle of it all and at other times I was tearing up listening to those around fight to support their family members.

One of the speakers said it best, "We don't want to hurt anybody. We don't want to break any rules. We are good people. We want to do what is right. What is right is feeding my family. What is right is helping my local economy. All I want to do is work hard. There is a right and a wrong way to mine coal and I want to continue mining the right way because until the day I die I will be proud to say, 'I am a friend of coal." Some other great coal supporting lines I learned are: When the sun don't shine and the wind don't blow - coal keeps the lights on. Coal: It's a family tradition!  If you don't like coal, don't use electricity! Coal: Ending poverty in America. Kentucky Coal = Energy for America. Got electricity? Thank a coal miner! And thank a coal miner, I must. After the rally there was a debate between the two sides and a few days later many people in the mining industry lost their jobs due to some of the decisions that were made. A lot of the students I have been working with have family members who have worked in the industry for as long as they can remember. I'm praying that a solution can be created to keep the environment healthy but also keep people employed as they try to support eastern Kentucky simply by doing old fashioned hard work.

As my supervisor said the next day, "Emily Romito is all jacked up on coal." and as I earned the "Most Likely to be a Friend of Coal" superlative at our end of the year dinner I hope everyone just remembers to look at both sides of an issue. It was easy for many students at NKU to believe coal is evil (me included) because of the one sided book we were required to read. College is a time for ideas to be explored and critical thinking to transpire. I'm glad I had an opportunity to explore more than ideas, I have been able to explore the stories, families, and lives that "keep our lights on."

Small Town, USA

Mom, Dad, and Ben all got to spend a marvelous two days in Pikeville this weekend! It was just excellent! They got here and I took them on a tour of our small campus, showed them the grand tour of my bedroom, and spied on a wedding happening in the city park. We went to church together and then had dinner at a local barbecue place called Pig in a Poke. My family is the best and gave me all their leftovers for dinner tonight! We were so full from dinner we laid around the hotel for a little bit and then ventured out to Muscle on Main. This is an event held in downtown Pikeville where people can show off their cars. We got there just in time for the last few rounds of a blowout competition. A husband/wife couple competed against each other and I cheered for the woman of course! Good ole Alma gave those men a run for their money! To finish the night we all got tangerine swirl ice cream from Dairy Cheer. This was an amazing discovery that tastes just like a creamsicle. It was the real deal! Just writing about it makes me want one!

After sleeping in, eating at the breakfast buffet, and showering in a real shower (not a dorm room shower) we packed up and headed out to Breaks Interstate Park. This park crosses between Kentucky and Virginia. We hiked along and between the state lines and had so many beautiful views of the mountains. We also had a few family photo shoots. My favorite was getting my mom to climb up on a semi-dangerous rock ledge. I think I get my sense of adventure from her! Or maybe my favorite was when I hid under a fallen rock and Ben pretends like he is holding it up for me. My brother always takes care of me! Or maybe it was when I asked an old lady on an overlook to take a photo of all of us together... yeah, that might be the winner. It was a great day hiking, talking, laughing, and remembering. Remember when we went hiking all day and I got car sick on the way home and threw up on campus? Oh yeah! That was today! Regardless, still an awesome day! We finished up our time together at a local diner called Jerry's. After the rest of the family headed back north I sat on my front porch and read. When the quiet hit me I realized how much joy they bring my life. I don't think we were ever not laughing about something. It was a great weekend.

Luckily, I don't have to deal with the quiet for long. I have two more orientation programs and then I'm moving back home and we'll all be under the same roof again!

Next post: I have got to fill you all in on the coal rally I went to!

Whooah, we're halfway there!

... Living on a prayer!.. Well, not really a prayer, more like living on the orientation high. (We are halfway done with our summer orientation programs though.) I guess I should try to explain what that is. However, it's kinda like sororities and fraternities: from the inside looking out you could never explain it and from the outside looking in you could never understand it. I have some amazing people in my life that do a really good job trying to understand why I love what I do. For those of you I haven't talked to about it before here are some reasons.

- I love when students and parents first walk in the door and they have to check in separately. It is sometimes the first independent thing a student does in college.
- I love when the SOAR leaders take off their cool caps, act silly, and help families to relax.
- I love when I have to deal with a difficult parent because I know that student has a support system at home.
- I love when parents are honest about how hard it will be to send their baby away to college. (When they start to tear up, I start to tear up.)
- I love remembering all of the stories my mom has told about me and Ben on our college journeys.
- I love when students find a connection with their future institution. They start to make this place their home.
- I love when opportunities are provided for students to make new friends and then they stay up half the night talking and playing games.
- I love reading evaluations and knowing I did a job well done.
- Even more than that though, I love when a student starts class in the fall, sees their SOAR leader and says, "You were my SOAR leaders. I love going to school here!" That is when orientation is worth it to me.

All of these things combined with the energy and excitement of people on campus, staff members, new students, returning students, and people in between make my job so worth while. I'm able to make working around 30 hours over two days (the most exhausting two days!) more fulfilling than weeks of work sometimes. Nothing is better than loving what you do.

My parents (and maybe Ben) are coming to Pikeville this weekend to visit. I'm really excited to see them and to show off the little place I've become so attached to. My next post will have to be about our adventures here!

Pikeville Pride

I know it's been awhile since I blogged but I have been meaning to for quiet awhile if that is any consolation! I'm nearing the end of my third week at the University of Pikeville. The first week I did really well getting adjusted and figuring this place out. I met a lot of new people and remembered a ton of new names. This first weekend when no one was around was a little difficult but it was easy to bounce right out of my lonely slump because SOAR training started! This is the week that I met the students I would be supervising, got to know them, hang out, learn about UPIKE, and stay very busy! I feel like I have known all of them way longer than a week so far!

In between the end of training and Program 1 beginning I was able to come home for Memorial Day weekend. David and I grilled an amazing dinner one night! We both claimed it to be incomparable to anything we've ever grilled before. We also joined in with his parents and friends for a summer beer tasting. The weekend ended with the Gigliotti's getting back from vacation so I was able to see the little girls. The morning I made my way back to Pikeville my mom baked a cheese danish. It felt like a holiday having everyone together and such yummy food. I'm really looking forward to having my parents and brother come down to visit me here. I don't have many favorite places yet but I plan to give them the highlights! (That is a great future blog idea - the highlights of Pikeville.)

Program 1 happened on Tuesday/Wednesday and Program 2 begins Friday and ends on Saturday. I was really happy with how everything went! In fact, I kept my nerves and anxiety in check and handled everything very well I think! I love the excitement and fear and energy all mixed into a new crazy emotion that comes with starting college. It's contagious! I love what we do and what we offer. And I just so happen to think one or two lucky folks are affected by in. In fact, I heard a student say today that he changed during college. Imagine that!

Some things I am newly addicted to:
1) Falling into speaking with an Eastern KY accent. I wouldn't care to talk like that all the time :)
2) Vanilla-tangerine swirl cones from Dairy Cheer. Real life creamsicle!
3) Sundy Best - a KY country band that is amazing! I waiting to buy a tshirt and CD. Like them on FB.
4) Parks and Recreation. Reliving all the seasons? Why, yes, I do think that is a wonderful idea!
5) Watching this YouTube video that perfectly explains the people I am spending my time with this summer. Watch it here!

Wedding Weekend

My aunt, Monica, got married this weekend! It was amazing! Just a completely awesome ceremony as well as reception. Everything was phenomenal! I happen to live with both the matron of honor (my aunt, Maria) and a bridesmaid (my mom) so I got lots of the inside scoop! I remember back in December looking at the wedding to-do list thinking it could never all be done in a short amount of time. Well, it was done and done perfectly I might add. I had a blast and absolutely cherished being surrounded by love this weekend. Love comes with weddings but I felt it go deeper than that. Being surrounded by my extended family after being away for awhile was just a little bit sweeter.

I'm so fortunate to have been able to have a week off before starting my internship at the University of Pikeville so I could celebrate this occasion. Tonight is my last night in NKY before I head out to UPike in the morning. I've spent some time reflecting and because the wedding is so much so on my mind one thing keeps coming back to me. In a speech that was made at the reception a message my grandpa said to my parents when they got married was passed down. "Love is willing the good of the other." I began to think about the areas that I could apply this in my life now, even though I'm not married. Then, as corny as it sounds, I checked my Facebook and had a handful of comments from various people in my life and it clicked.

I can try to will the good of others in all aspects of my life. Can you ever have enough love in your life? Can you ever run out of love to give? I just felt so fortunate to have support from all areas of the country and aspects of my life. I'm not just going to Pikeville to be an intern. I am going there to love - to love what I am doing and who I am doing it with. I feel so fortunate to have already connected with some members of the UPike staff that I know care about me. As well as to have a family support system, a Norse network, and a JMU cohort who all support me as well.

I guess my point is, yes, it is very sad to leave home. It's hard to be separated from people you are connected deeply to but in the end I am opening myself up to the possibility of doubling the love and connection I already have. Just like with Monica and Brad's wedding - as Monica's niece I was able to experience her love and happiness but now as she is connected to Brad (and his family!) I am also able to benefit from his love and happiness as well. It is like a spreading chain reaction. Hopefully I can bring back all the love and experience from Pikeville to better those I already have connections with. In the same fashion I hope to leave lots of love at UPike as well.

With all my love (how fitting!),
Emily

Go Baby Go!

Friday I rushed home from Virginia (not an easy task when you have 7 hours to go!) listening to the new Rascal Flatts CD on repeat. I'm working on memorizing their songs to I can sing at the top of my lungs when they come to Cinci in July. After all that driving, I unpacked, got ready, picked up Tracy (who was in town for one day before moving to Florida for her summer internship), and went to an NKU party. I got to see lots of dear friends and mentors if only for a short time. Then I headed off on my drive to Louisville for the Kentucky Derby! I had been looking forward to this for the last few weeks of school. It was the perfect way to kick off my summer back in the Bluegrass!!

Since then I've been doing lots of sleeping, playing with my adorable cousins, spending quality time with David, and seeing lots of friends here and there. I feel like I am on vacation right now and then next week it's back to work.... except I'll be at the University of Pikeville. A new adventure!! I'm a mixture of nervous excitement but it's not too overwhelming because I still have a wedding at home to think about for the time being. My aunt is getting married this weekend and it is sure to be a wonderful time. (After we finished with the little details such as ribbon tying. But I am still looking forward to helping out because I've missed so much of the planning when I was away.)

So GO BABY GO is the motto for the next few weeks. It's getting me through this week at home trying to fit everything in. It's getting me through my summer internship trying to learn and give as much as I can. And it'll be getting me through July trying to keep a balance of productivity and relaxation!

GO BABY GO and look forward to some more posts from UPike!!

The Beginning of the End...

of the week, that is!

However, today does mark the beginning of my last week in Harrisonburg for the summer. I have a paper to proofread, an exam to take, and a whole lot of packing to do before I can leave. It's a bittersweet feeling being finished with my first year of grad school. What an accomplishment! I'm going to miss all of my CSPA friends so so much but I am looking forward to seeing some of my loves from all over the country at the KY Derby this weekend! And the weekend after that I'll get lots of family time at my aunt Monica's wedding.

And I'm don't have a catchy phrase for after that but I'll be beginning my summer internship at the University of Pikeville! Remember so long ago when I posted about it? Well it is finally almost here! I bought a shadow box on sale this past weekend that I am looking forward to filling with UPike memories!

Lots of changes with lots of quick turnaround usually means lots of stress for Emily - and I have been stressed but I'm getting through.. hope to see all of you who follow back home very soon! Keep me in your prayers.

April is half way over! {discoveries}

April is half way over! This means I am so close to May and May means my semester is over! It's been a crazy journey. In one of my classes we talked about being chefs of our own recipes which to me is kinda like being a guide of my own journey. Which reminds me of a piece of artwork I purchased when my mom was in Hburg visiting!!! We had an amazing time!! Hi Mom. Love you. Thanks for being a mom (first) and a best friend (second) but mostly, thanks for being there.

The artwork I purchased is from a local artist named Terri St. Cloud. You can check out more of her work at bonesigharts.com. The painting feels like a perfect description of my experience thus far. (I'm sure the blog doesn't even come close to comparing!) My picture is a water painting with this poem written on it:

there was no leader.

they explored together.

asking nothing

from each other

but honesty,

they discovered

themselves.

they discovered

friendship.

they discovered

real.

This represents my experience at JMU, in my program, with my cohort; at home, with my parents, my family, and David. I'm so happy to have had the opportunity to go after my dreams - to discover who I am meant to be.

3rd post in March

Sometimes it sucks to point out the obvious but a reality check is good for productivity every once in awhile! This is only my 3rd blog post in March. Wow! Slacker! I also have really slacked on my Lenten practice of prayer and journaling every night as well. My mom even gave me a great meditation book to read which I enjoyed the first two chapters but just fell off the bandwagon. Maybe more like I was pushed by the pressures of grad school...

My mom is coming to visit over Easter weekend and a few days before and after. I am really excited and was able to take time off work to spend with her. Unfortunately, I have a couple pretty big projects due this month and I am freaking out about getting them done before she gets here. I want to be able to enjoy myself but to do that I am going to have to push myself and get my assignments finished. April really is going to fly by if I keep being as busy as I have been.

Thinking of things I've slacked on.... I've slacked on a few relationships as well. Like my friend Leah, who I wanted to come visit this semester and now it seems like my weekends are all filled up! (Maybe next semester for a football game?) I also am eager to hear about her trip to Boston a week or so ago but just haven't had the time to call or email! Also, my younger brother... I think he might be in West Virginia this weekend but regardless, when was the last time I talked to him!? Ben, when we do chat I have a great movie you should watch about mountain climbing.

Here's a thank you shout out to my friends who understand and post surprising encouraging posts on my Facebook wall every so often! Thank you! I guess I have to be a little selfish right now so I can finish the semester strong and steady and enjoy my summer (after my internship is over) off to relax and catch up on the social fun parts of life!!

Lastly, two positives for the week.... drum roll please.....

1) My very good friend Jason will soon be a homeowner!! He bought a house!! Congrats Jason and welcome to the world of suburbia! Can't wait to decorate and cause a ruckus!
2) A good friend in Virginia was hired for a job after a long and tedious job search!! He completely deserves it! Congrats Craig! You are the perfect fit for the position too!

Until April.... (maybe I'll have my mom post something in here free time while she is here).