SMILE

This morning I  have a few minutes to kill before going to church. You know, that awkward time when you are already dressed and ready but there isn't really enough time to make breakfast or start an assignment and nothing is on TV at this time of day. So here I am - blogging.

I met a guy at a bar once who gave me a super hateful look. I was not about to give him the time of day, except to complain to my friends about what could I have possibly done to make him dislike me without even knowing me! Rude! Then I saw him smile. When my parents warned me about charming boys this is exactly who they were talking about. His smile was gorgeous. My whole perception of him changed in an instant as soon as he showed off those pearly whites. A simple smile has that much power. This brings me to my realization for this morning: my smile is also my best accessory. Your expressions can tell others so much about you. Why not start off with a smile? (Yes, I still think that hateful look he gave me was weird!)

Since my allergic sensitive skin reaction I have been cutting out lots of cosmetic products, specifically make up. At first I felt so naked and ugly without it and I still don't feel as polished as I would like to but when I look in the mirror and smile - I feel pretty okay about myself. I believe my smile really shows off the happiness for life I feel inside. And that is what should really matter, correct? Since my smile is the way I express to others the joy I feel (although, it can express so much more than that in different contexts) I thought it was fitting to end with some quotes on happiness. I saw my friends posting about this recently, maybe it's what got me thinking about smiles to begin with.

Kelly threw this little gem out there..
It is not in the pursuit of happiness that we find fulfillment, it is in the happiness of pursuit. -Denis Waitley

Aimee got me thinking with this..
The happiest people are those who have stopped chasing happiness and instead search for meaningfulness. -my textbook

When co-teaching class this week a wise woman said..
Happiness is a product, not a place. It is found in the journey, not in the destination.

I am in the pursuit of meaningfulness on my journey of life and I find something to smile about around every turn. The world will never wonder if I am happy or not. My smile says it all.

A hot relaxed mess

I have been wanting to post a blog to keep up with the habit but I usually write when I feel really moved or inspired about a topic or feeling. I have a whole list of things that have hit me that I want to write about but I just haven’t had the spark that lights my fire to write. Today, I thought if I just start writing – the words will come. They are all a part of me anyway. A part of me that I share with you.

I’ve got it. This post is a pep talk. I think I am getting sloppy. My mind is in too many places at once. I’m not focusing on the tasks I have right in front of me. My room is a mess. The kitchen is even worse! I think someone somewhere says that your home is a reflection of yourself. I hate that I am being represented this way but I think it’s what I am becoming! It’s even showing up on my face!! (Oh no, wait, that is just the sensitive skin reaction I got on my eyes over break that has lasted two weeks into the semester and spread to the rest of my face. I finally have some medicine that is clearing it up. Thank goodness! My dermatologist is a genius. Remember my leg problem? Basically, I’m allergic to all the soaps, lotions, and cosmetic products I’ve been using. I already am really careful about what products I use but I just had to order a new line of EXTRA hypoallergenic stuff. I have more sensitive skin than a red head! End side story.)

I’ve been noticing in myself how much more relaxed I have been over the past few months. I used to be so worried and uptight about everything! It was probably my biggest critique from my ex. That I liked plans too much and couldn’t relax and go with the flow. I’m pretty sure I started many fights with my itineraries or because we were lost or late or not being productive. It’s so funny thinking about it now because I feel like I am the relaxing free spirit among some of my friends and family. I very rarely stress out these days. I know what control I have and I know the universe guides my path. With those realizations combined I am falling perfectly into my hippie happy place. I’m learning how flexible I can be and how exciting it is when plans change. I wonder if because I was surrounded by so many easy going relaxed people before my uptight type-A personality came through to try to “help” them or at least keep them organized. Remove them and I have become available to the peace of only being responsible for myself. The plans I had for the rest of my life changed and when something that big happens you have to find a way to adapt. I’ve adapted by embracing changing plans and the flexibility that comes with it. The thought of moving almost anywhere in the country for a new job makes me feel so free and alive.

I like being relaxed. Don’t get me wrong. It was different at first, but I like it. I am so much healthier not stressing out! Even my breathing feels calm these days. But ya know what, if I am going to accomplish all the things I need to accomplish then I need a plan. I need to get my shit together and check things off my to-do list. I need to create a to-do list, for goodness sake! So from this moment on, I’m going back to keeping myself on a strict time table of productivity. This semester especially is important that I make progress (in my classes, with my final comprehensive portfolio, and job searching) because the rest of my career depends on it. At the same time I want to enjoy every minute with every person I care about in Harrisonburg before I have to move. If I am going to work more I’ll be socializing less. I don’t like that. What else could I give up? Working out? No, I am making too much progress there. Cooking? No, I need to eat. Sleeping? BINGO! Sleep is important but if I start my days waking up earlier I have more time to do the things I want to do. In life, you know something is important to you when you dedicate time to it. I think this means I need to stop spending so much time on social media…

NYE vs Prom

So last night was New Year’s Eve. It is one of the biggest built up holidays. Everyone is always scrambling to find plans for when the clock strikes midnight and the ball in New York City drops. And then what? What changes? It’s kind of always been a let down in my book. Then again, I spent the past three New Year’s Eve’s in a relationship where I was able to have a kiss (where no one died J) and start the year off looking forward to our journey together and that was pretty nice. You know what else is nice? Having a prom date. You plan out your evening to perfection. Rent a limo, buy flowers, have dinner reservations, match your outfits, dance together, take pictures… and it is freaking exhausting!! All that work just to feel special with one person. I had a lot of dates to dances and it always felt so important. My senior year I decided I was going to prom alone. Just me. I wore a super sexy dress, grabbed a ride with another couple, took pictures with more friends than I realized I had, danced until I was sweaty and sore, and had one of the happiest most care free nights of my life. Why didn’t I decided to go dateless sooner?!

Last night I wondered if New Year’s Eve is like that. When the pressure to have a good time with the right person is gone that is when you can really enjoy it. I went to a family friend’s party this year that I opted not to go to the past few years (I had other plans, remember). And let me tell you, I think this was one of the best New Year Eve’s I’ve ever had!! There was no cover charge, amazing live music by Troy Brooks (Check out his website here) and Kassie Jordan (Her website is here.) [Both are amazing! You know how I love local talent and rising stars. Obviously, I have both their CDs.], very good food provided by Brooks Meats (yum!!), an open bar, dancing, raffle prizes every couple of minutes (ranging from $1 to $100 and candy bowls to a trip to Gatlinburg), and lots of very loving and caring friends and families. I got to kiss the two people who care about me most in the world, my parents, as well as shoot them both with silly string. It does not get any better than that. Oh, but it does! My brother and I were singing duets as he played the guitar before I left for the party and my favorite song to have fun with is Wagon Wheel by Old Crow Medicine Show. My dad requested the song from the band at the party and I was able to dance and sing in front of everyone. The anonymous request became pretty darn obvious as to who it was for. I was on cloud nine clapping to the beat and rocking along. As midnight approached, Kassie led us in a beautiful rendition of the National Anthem. I’ve never had a more moving and thankful-to-be-alive-right-here-right-now-in-this-country kind of moment than I did when the rest of the room joined in and we brought in the new year together. At that moment the ball became so much less important than our blessings.

I’ve never been one to have much of a negative attitude and even if some sad things happened in 2012 it wasn’t a bad year. In fact, I am grateful to have been able to be witness to so many amazing memories and learning experiences. I have no doubt that 2013 will rock me, like a wagon wheel, the wind and the rain, a southbound train, oh, I can’t wait for it to rock me. Bring it on, new year! Wishing all of you the positivity to tackle whatever God has planned for you in 2013 with grace, laugher, and love.