A hot relaxed mess

I have been wanting to post a blog to keep up with the habit but I usually write when I feel really moved or inspired about a topic or feeling. I have a whole list of things that have hit me that I want to write about but I just haven’t had the spark that lights my fire to write. Today, I thought if I just start writing – the words will come. They are all a part of me anyway. A part of me that I share with you.

I’ve got it. This post is a pep talk. I think I am getting sloppy. My mind is in too many places at once. I’m not focusing on the tasks I have right in front of me. My room is a mess. The kitchen is even worse! I think someone somewhere says that your home is a reflection of yourself. I hate that I am being represented this way but I think it’s what I am becoming! It’s even showing up on my face!! (Oh no, wait, that is just the sensitive skin reaction I got on my eyes over break that has lasted two weeks into the semester and spread to the rest of my face. I finally have some medicine that is clearing it up. Thank goodness! My dermatologist is a genius. Remember my leg problem? Basically, I’m allergic to all the soaps, lotions, and cosmetic products I’ve been using. I already am really careful about what products I use but I just had to order a new line of EXTRA hypoallergenic stuff. I have more sensitive skin than a red head! End side story.)

I’ve been noticing in myself how much more relaxed I have been over the past few months. I used to be so worried and uptight about everything! It was probably my biggest critique from my ex. That I liked plans too much and couldn’t relax and go with the flow. I’m pretty sure I started many fights with my itineraries or because we were lost or late or not being productive. It’s so funny thinking about it now because I feel like I am the relaxing free spirit among some of my friends and family. I very rarely stress out these days. I know what control I have and I know the universe guides my path. With those realizations combined I am falling perfectly into my hippie happy place. I’m learning how flexible I can be and how exciting it is when plans change. I wonder if because I was surrounded by so many easy going relaxed people before my uptight type-A personality came through to try to “help” them or at least keep them organized. Remove them and I have become available to the peace of only being responsible for myself. The plans I had for the rest of my life changed and when something that big happens you have to find a way to adapt. I’ve adapted by embracing changing plans and the flexibility that comes with it. The thought of moving almost anywhere in the country for a new job makes me feel so free and alive.

I like being relaxed. Don’t get me wrong. It was different at first, but I like it. I am so much healthier not stressing out! Even my breathing feels calm these days. But ya know what, if I am going to accomplish all the things I need to accomplish then I need a plan. I need to get my shit together and check things off my to-do list. I need to create a to-do list, for goodness sake! So from this moment on, I’m going back to keeping myself on a strict time table of productivity. This semester especially is important that I make progress (in my classes, with my final comprehensive portfolio, and job searching) because the rest of my career depends on it. At the same time I want to enjoy every minute with every person I care about in Harrisonburg before I have to move. If I am going to work more I’ll be socializing less. I don’t like that. What else could I give up? Working out? No, I am making too much progress there. Cooking? No, I need to eat. Sleeping? BINGO! Sleep is important but if I start my days waking up earlier I have more time to do the things I want to do. In life, you know something is important to you when you dedicate time to it. I think this means I need to stop spending so much time on social media…