Skydiving to Freedom

After reading this post you all know how seriously I have taken my promise to live the best damn life that I could. I don’t just get to live in memory of Evan but also to create memories of my own with people I care about. For my 16^th birthday Evan wanted to take my skydiving. It was always a dream of his and what better time to do it than the present (for a present), right? I thought it was a fantastic idea and begged my parents to sign for me. Surprise, surprise, they wouldn’t. What great parents they are! (I’m not being sarcastic there, I really feel like that was a great decision.) Then came the years of putting it off – first I would do it when I turned 18, then it was turning 21, then it was college graduation, then it was a moving away celebration. I had plenty of reasons to go but the excuses behind them were holding me back. If I’m honest, the fear of getting into a small plane was holding me on the ground – and tight. (Since the accident anyone who has held my hand in an airplane or has had to suffer through me nagging for you to text me as soon as you land will understand a tiny bit of my fear.)

So what made me decide to want to do it this time? Well, first, it’s on my bucket list. And I really love crossing things off lists. Second, I finished graduate school and got a job. That’s a reason to celebrate. Third, I have been single for officially one year straight and love the full life I live. Being happy and content is never a good enough reason for being stagnant and settling. I needed to do this. It was time to do it. For Evan. For me.

I made a reservation, laid down a deposit, kept my mouth shut, didn’t tell my parents, and waited patiently to jump out of an airplane. I was going skydiving! I was so focused on work that before I knew it the day had arrived and I was in Orange, VA pulling into a small airport.

Then I was signing and initialing more times than I can count and more words than I can remember but I know one thing – it said I could die!

I went through a roller coaster of emotions while I was waiting and had a great friend willing to put up with me. One of the most defining moments of the trip was when we were suited up waiting for our final harness and I started crying. I was looking at the tiny planes and thinking of how brave I needed to be. I told Tom in that moment I could feel Evan with me which made me cry even more. He asked what that felt like and my automatic response was “safe.” I was about to jump 13,500 feet out of an airplane to free fall at 120 miles per hour for 55 seconds and all I could feel was safe. It felt right. I was in exactly where I needed to be with one friend smiling next to me and another smiling down on me. Then I got really pumped up! I was jumping around, clapping my hands, swinging my arms. My nervous energy turned into just plain energy! 

Of course it was perfect timing for the clouds to roll in and make us wait two hours. We were just sitting around, pacing around, moping around. So we grabbed the chance to eat at a local gas station for lunch. (It was the biggest let down!... I mean the waiting was a let down, I didn't have high hopes the gas station.)

As we were taking the last bite, we got the call. The clouds had cleared and we were on deck to be the next flight out! With a mad dash back to the airport there was no time to be nervous or brave. I just needed to survive now. Take off was scary for me but once we made it into the air I was at peace and in the zone.

Words can hardly describe the exhilaration that comes with skydiving out of an aircraft. I’m not even sure I can try.

After free falling I deployed the parachute at 6000 feet and we floated down so serenely. I told Chris, my instructor (who was the most wonderful man), that I felt like I visited Heaven today. And he said, “In a way you did, I know your friend is with you and is very proud.” After landing safely with two feet on the ground and being unharnessed from Chris I turned right around to give him a huge hug. Tom watched me land from the sky and I was able to watch him land from the ground each within a minute of the other but what was really amazing is that the plane that took up us landed long before we hit the ground. In fact, I watched the plane I jumped out of land and safely too! I conquered a huge fear that day. I’m sure I still won’t like it when my loved ones fly, especially in small planes, but I know that by looking for accidents and reasons to be scared I still can’t prevent them from happening. Here is the first picture we took after landing.

On the other side of fear is freedom. I need to look more for the moments I can reign in my fear and feel Evan’s safe presence so I can continue doing the things that scare me. Life scares me but this adventure is so worth it! I would say the exact same thing about skydiving too!