Behind in Life

I’ve been wanting to blog for awhile now but work is so AMAZING that it feels like I don’t have time. (This really isn’t true since I just finished season 1 of One Tree Hill this past week. Ugh, Netflix.) I’m just getting used to starting my life here in Pikeville. I’ve been pushing myself to meet people and maybe go out of my way to put forth more effort to hear someone’s story. I love the students that I work with! They have the biggest personalities and the way they work with incoming freshman and their families – even bigger hearts. I am so proud to know them!

While I’m still living on campus and have more than my fair share of crazy stories to go along with it (I got hit by a car while sitting in my lawn chair outside! And I use a cooler as a refrigerator. You know, normal life.) I am pleased to announce that I signed a lease on an apartment in town. I won’t be moving in until mid-July but it’s a relief to know that I have a place to call my own here. It is a spacious two-bedroom with a back patio and some private lawn area as well. There is also a washer/dryer hook up in the kitchen – maybe a little odd – but it will be so nice having a place to do laundry without carting it all around town like I am doing now. I was panicked for a little bit so thank you to everyone who prayed I’d find the perfect place. My landlord is 85 years old and has enough stories to fill two lifetimes. I like listening to him and think I’ll be very happy there.

I tweeted the other day about how I ironed my dress with a hair straightener, ate Easy Mac for dinner, and still live in a residence hall. At the time I was cracking up about it but later it made me think about my life and where I am in the process of “growing up.” Lots of my friends are in serious relationships, getting married, maybe even thinking about starting families – if they don’t have babies already! Sprinkling salt and pepper on my macaroni and cheese in a microwavable cup I had a moment where I felt so far behind. I felt not adult enough or mature enough or put together enough. (I wonder if some of this comes from starting a new job, being a new employee, and let’s face it, being a YOUNG professional.) I didn’t really know what to do with this feeling until I talked to a friend today.

First, I have a job career I am crazy about. They prepare you all through grad school that you might not get your dream job right away but most days I feel like I am living in a dream. I am so lucky! Which brings me to my second point, I spent two years earning a Master’s degree! What an accomplishment! I need to give myself more credit for how hard I worked to get to where I am. If I had never taken the internship at UPIKE last summer I would not be here now. Which reminds me of my friend’s point… I’m getting to it… I asked him if he ever felt like I was feeling – behind on growing up, like I was going to miss my chance. He asked me to think back a year and pay attention to all the things that are different about myself and my life. All I could think was that even though I was living in the exact same city last year at this time so much has changed since then. He reminded me that every year from now on things will continue to change and I will change with them. It doesn’t mean I am behind, it just means I am on my own path. I happen to think I am pretty awesome and I love who I am, but I really believe I am a better version of myself than I was a year ago.

While out on my own path every day I have the opportunity to become who I want to be. What a liberating feeling this is! I am creating a life and a world custom designed around me and my needs, full of people who care, and devoid of people who don’t. Right now I am working hard on learning my new role and figuring out a new university. Every day I choose to learn. Another perfect example: Every night I think that I should start working out or eating healthier (although when all you have is a microwave to cook with, it isn’t easy!) but I always make excuses (see what I did up there with the microwave?). Excuses are just that – excuses. They are me taking a day I have to make a change, to be different, to make this year worth it, and wasting it. I guess it comes down to, when I look back on this a year from now, what choice will I have hoped I made? And not just about exercising either – I'm talking about living! Truly living.