I figured today was as good of day as any to begin my blog about life on my own. Twenty five days until move out/in day! If anyone has any title ideas please let me know. (That is weird to say because it means people would be reading this and that is just kinda odd to me. People out there are actually interested in my life! Maybe?) Right now there is way too much to think about so I am not going to dwell on a name just yet. Somewhat fitting since today I am feeling numb and empty about moving away. It’s scary and exciting at the same time and today they seem to cancel each other out.
Today I created my list of things I need to my apartment. I have a living room, bedroom, bathroom, and kitchen to take care of, furnish, and make my own. Talk about overwhelming! I feel like I am starting out with nothing, well, maybe that is because I am! On the bright side, I will have all brand new things. That is a positive! At least I am not crying thinking about vacuums and toaster ovens like I was last week!
This afternoon I was sitting on my back patio reading in the shade. I looked around my back porch and began thinking of things I was going to miss about being away from home, specific things about my back yard – the butterfly bush that somehow stays alive year after year, the multi colored pinwheels my mom bought for a dollar at Target that are never in the same place as the day before, the odd sense of security that comes with having neighbors around. I thought I just wanted to remember all of this, take mental pictures so when I want to see it, no matter where I am I’ll be able to. Then I hit a revelation! Why should I have to remember it? It isn’t going to change!! Why would it? I can come home whenever I want to and my back yard will still be my back yard. That was when it dawned on me: I’m the piece of this equation that is going to change. Maybe that is what bothers me the most. This realization was big enough that I got right to it and began typing. If I am already planning and anticipating being changed by this experience I better remember every detail so I can look back and still love the girl I am now. Hopefully, I’ll just be a much better version of her!
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