Wine and Cheese Night

....was a blast!! I had so much fun tonight with my other CSPAers. After a really really hard week it was just what I needed! There was plenty of cheese in all different forms and of course lots of wine too! I brought an Ohio wine from when David and I visited a winery together. It's made with a special kind of grape from Ohio and was so yummy that I almost wish I waited to share it with him. But he said it was okay that I brought it so I guess we'll just have to go to a Virginia winery around me sometime and buy something new!

Since my last post I had some time to think about what I was trying to verbalize and tonight I had the chance to rephrase it and share it with people in my program. It was so nice knowing that they knew, understood, and felt it too. So here goes it - I feel like I love the people in my program and really couldn't be luckier to have them as my support system but when comparing them with my friends from home I feel like something is missing. I don't have to explain my back story to people at home because they lived through it with me. I also don't particularly want to share my back story with people here because it is so far in my past. My final conclusion to it all was not that one is better than another but that the relationships I am forming are different. Maybe I will share things one day, maybe not. But right now anyone of my relationships at home feels like family, mentally and emotionally I have included my friends in the category of family. In Harrisonburg though, the people in my program are my friends. I'm learning how to have friends again! Does that make sense? I'm learning how to trust others, open up, make conversations, etc. You know though, I am still incredibly grateful when I think of them. We do have a special bond - one of friendship, one that I am learning to define.

Last blog I wrote about things I was looking forward to (wine and cheese night being one of them!) Life works in crazy ways though. This week was awful. I just had a difficult week all around! To give a little run down: hard days at work, overload of homework that I feel behind in but I'm really probably not, my legs are extremely itchy and torn up (Thanks for the doctor's appointment mom! I had some more small infections this week as well.), my credit card bill came in and I own lots of money, my paycheck hasn't came in for six weeks so I don't have any money, my contract hasn't gone through at JMU yet so my tuition hasn't been paid so I have a hold on my account AND owe $9,000 (which will be paid by the program eventually but still!), my rent is due, my computer broke and can't recognize my web cam or printer anymore (translation - Skype doesn't work! I miss David! I miss the girls! I miss my parents?! What?! j/k :), this weekend is Jason's birthday and Race for the Cure and I can't go home because I have a seven hour training tomorrow for a volunteer position!! Whoa!! Whew!! TGIF for sure!!

I thought about not blogging about all this negative stuff but this stuff is my life. If you don't like reading it I suggest you just stop then. This is my life. If I only put the happy stuff up when I go back through it nothing will seem real to me. Things aren't always wonderful but things are always possible. I know I'll move on and get through everything I said but in the moment it is hard to focus on anything else. The encouraging text messages (Daddy) have been really great. I also love love LOVE getting mail in my mail box! I try to check my mail box twice a week but usually I have old mail from the guy who lived here before me, bills, or the town newspaper - talk about depressing! So send me some love too if you can :) I just bought a book of stamps so I can start sending out some cheer of my own.

I liked the things I'm looking forward to segment last time so to end on a positive note here are some things:
1) Talking to Hannah tomorrow at lunch time.
2) Taking time to clean my apartment and do laundry!
3) Catching up on homework this weekend but also going to a movie with the cohort.
4) Homecoming week at JMU, including the Step Show!
5) Finding a time to have my neighbors (cohort neighbors not the other ones) over for dinner at my place


PS - I know this is a late post and a little more touchy feeling that usual. What about the middle of the night makes people open up? (Mom, you were always right about talking on the phone with boys late at night! Sorry for all the times I thought I could handle trying to be grown up. I can hardly growing up now so when I was 15 I should not have been chatting up boys past midnight!!) But anyway, I had an iced tea before wine and cheese night to keep me awake... I've been home a little bit now and it's back fired! I'm not ready to fall asleep yet - so says my caffeinated body anyway.