Kentucky Girl Luck

If you are lucky enough to be alive, you are lucky enough. I can’t even put into words how lucky I feel to have the life I live. I am not just alive, I am living. But after hearing from some rather important people in my life that my blog can make me sound bitter or puts them in a depressed mood after reading it I thought I needed to lighten things up here. And then I told them, “If you don’t like it, don’t read it.” Which I still believe holds true but maybe they had a point. Maybe I need to share more of my joy since I have that too. However, if you are really concerned if I am depressed or bitter then call me. Talk to me. Let’s swap stories. News flash: I don’t put everything going on in my life in my blog. There is a lot more to my day to day than what you see here, on Facebook, or Twitter.

Back in February (yes that long ago) I was posting a positive a day. Back then I really needed those positives to keep me going. I needed the constant reminder that things were going to be okay and I was happy. Today I don’t feel the need to do that, every day I feel that I am surrounded by positivism. I leave my apartment with the sun coming up and as I am walking down the stairs I always think, “Wow, another day. Here we go! Let’s do it!” Some days, more than others, I reflect on how it feels to live on my own in Virginia and take care of myself. I draw so much pride in my independence and enjoy using that feeling to have productive days. (Other days I just jam out to Ke$ha in the car and I am not ashamed about that either!) There is something about the mountains surrounding the valley and the fog lingering in the air that makes me feel like this life is so much bigger than me. The interconnectedness of the world can really make your mind spin if you think about it.

I am thinking about all of this today because last night I was talking to friend who was feeling down. And we all have days like that, don’t we? Everything I said he had a reason to why I was wrong. I knew I should have just been there for him and listened. I knew I wasn’t going to change his mind. He didn’t need to want my advice. But I have that spark in me that still believes no matter how terrible and rough life gets, it ain’t all that bad. I couldn’t help but try to convince him of the worthiness and purpose he holds in my life, and so many others, simply by being here on this earth. Sometimes when you are feeling so bad nothing but time can make it better. I’d challenge him though, if he is reading this, to do something with that time. The power isn’t in the time – it is in what you do with it.

I really don’t believe that people can be happy 100% of their life and I don’t believe people want to be. You have to know some sadness to appreciate joy when it is present. Embrace the sadness, bitterness, anger, guilt, whatever you think it might be in your life that is holding you back and love that feeling. Recognize it and know it and be glad that you have it because that means you are here. If you are using your time right soon enough you will know the feelings of joy, freedom, happiness, and peace that might replace it. So my question to you, friends, is what do you do with your time? When the going gets tough and the tough get going – what are you doing? How do you fill your “time” so it changes you?

Today I plan on cleaning my apartment. Yes, some of it is my mess but lots of it is my roommate’s and she is gone this weekend. I’m going to clean it anyway. I love her and can give a little bit to her in this way. I am also going to send a few snail mail cards to people I care about. There is just something special about a greeting card if you ask me. And my last goal for today is to create a presentation for a conference I’ll be going to next weekend. The presentation is about how to get into a student affairs grad program and know that it is right for you. I am thrilled to be able to share my passion for this field with others. I am going to ask once more before I sign out – what are you doing with your time? 

Honest honesty.

Everyone says that honesty is one of their most valued characteristics in a partner, friend, coworker, supervisor, etc. Everyone says that they are a really honest person, honest worker, honest employee, etc. The question I pose today is: is that really true? Is honesty a quality you value? Do you show honesty in your everyday life? When you talk to friends, acquaintances, significant others, etc. are you honest? I bet your initial reaction is to shout out, “Are you honestly asking me this, Emily? Of course, I am honest!”

In my opinion I just think that how honest you are depends on your motivation. When your level of motivation outweighs your need to be honest then you just aren’t as truthful as you can be. Of course, every situation can be different but you know, dear reader, that I am going to pull in examples from my life. I think I learn things the best when I see and feel them and right now I have picked up on this theme so let’s explore…

I have a new friend who is so honest. He doesn’t have anything to gain or lose by being honest – he just is. And man, let me tell you, it is so refreshing! I never get nervous about asking him questions because I know he’ll tell me the straight up truth. All in all, honesty is a good look for him and I really appreciate it. However, he only has to be honest about himself. No one else’s feelings or perceptions are involved. I mean, I guess I could be judging him (which I would never do J) and he might shy away from telling me something because of that but I don’t think that’s the case. Regardless, this changes things a little when compared with another type of honesty – the type where someone else is involved.

Have you ever heard the phrase, “A truth that draws a tear is better than a lie that draws a smile?” The premise of this quote is what I am trying to get at. I want people to tell me the truth. Tell me the most gosh awful hurtful painful truth because I know that will be better in the end. Most break ups end with some form of a lie, I realize that, but if you really cared about the person at all wouldn’t you want to respect them enough to give them an honest answer? An answer that they deserve. Don’t tell me you want to stay friends if you don’t. Don’t tell me you’ll always be there for me when you won’t. Don’t tell me we might still have potential for a future if we don’t. Don’t tell me you want the best for me and then lie to me. Don’t do it. *end my short rant here* It doesn’t just have to do with breakups, friends feed into this I-don’t-want-to-hurt-you-but-I-know-what-I-have-to-say-sucks-so-I-am-not-going-to-say-it mentality too. I just think everything would be so much easier if I could know what I am working with right from the beginning and then use that information as power. Power to move on. Power to make decisions. Power to grieve and then be happy again.

When you were little someone probably told you to just rip the band aid off really fast all at once because it stings less that way. I am telling you right now, rip the truth. Just say what you mean, don’t make me guess and figure it out. Here is an analogy: this band aid was on for a purpose – to help heal a hurt. Leave the band aid on and when the time is right rip that sucker off and you should see a difference. It’s healed, it’s smaller, it’s better. There still might be some pain or you might need some antibiotic cream but you’re getting there – you are making progress. In another scenario you have a wound that won’t heal and no one liked you enough to give you a band aid so you keep picking at the scab. You pick and it bleeds and it grows back and you pick it again. It’s this cycle where you are hurting the entire time. And even after you think the wound has healed and the scab is gone there might be a scar. A constant reminder of a hurt of your past. An underlying sign that you aren’t the same. You were hurt for too long and that is what’s left. You’ll still live and you’ll still get through it and you’ll learn to ignore it but it could have been an easier process. My friends, let’s help each other make this already confusing complicated life a smoother journey for each other. Let’s tell the truth. Be brave and put all that value you say you have in honesty into the person you really need to be honest with. Don’t let your motivation for “not wanting to hurt someone” stop you from letting them heal – after all that is the best way to help them in the end.

You all realize that this is only my opinion. Share yours if you have one. Find a flaw in my theory? Be honest – point it out. What this realization about honesty means to me is that I need to continue working on being more honest. I think we all do. I need to be a little more assertive in my responses with friends and a little less passive aggressive. I want friends who support and challenge me. I hope I am on the path to growing into the same type of friend I’d like to have. And if I am not – tell me! I’ve heard it called serving the truth with love. That’s what I would like to do and have done to me – the cold hard truth wrapped in warm cozy love. Now if that isn't a nice thought on a chilly fall night, I don't know what is.

It's OK to be sad

My parents came to visit this weekend. We jammed packed their visit with as many Valley treats as possible. We fit in a full day of hiking in the Shenandoah National Park enjoying the beginning of the leaves changing, fresh fall scents, and silly photo shoots to show Ben what he was missing. We also got our Farmer’s Market fix – I’m going to try making spaghetti squash for the first time! We drove out to an apple orchard where we got some extremely fresh apples, a pumpkin, and did a hard cider tasting. Of course, we ate at wonderful downtown restaurants until we were stuffed. I loved having you both here!

In two of the TV shows I occasionally watch (Modern Family and Castle) there were scenes about daughters moving away to college this week. I cried both times – I can’t help it! It’s funny because I don’t remember a terrible moment of moving away to college. I’m sure I had one or two or three.. but they aren't as strong in my memory as some more current emotions. Watching my parents drive away from my apartment after such a great weekend I can relate to that lost and alone feeling that was so evident in the TV shows. All of a sudden my apartment feels much too big for me. It’s like all the joy that they filled my home with left with them. I know I’m being dramatic but it is really sad after they are gone.

I think the same thing happens with break-ups. No matter the reason for a relationship ending, it can be really sad to realize I am now on this life journey alone. Before I was a co-pilot reading the road map of life with a partner and now in the blink of an eye I have to steer, follow directions, change air filters, talk to police officers, and sing the harmony and melody parts with the radio ALONE! All by myself! But then, I started to figure it out. Before I knew it I realized I am actually pretty good at steering with my knee as I try to reprogram the GPS. I learned that the guys who work at Auto Zone don’t always want to screw me over – they actually enjoy helping if they can. All police officers (as I discovered) aren't out to give massive speeding tickets, they might really just want me to be safe. I started to figure out I can do it by myself. The sharpness of heartbreak still takes my breath away from time to time. Just like the emptiness after my parents leave can be so big when I dwell on it. But as my days begin to unfold and life moves me along not only have I realized I can survive this trip, I have learned I am not as alone as I thought. (And maybe one day, an eligible bachelor will be the one helping me at the Auto Zone.)

I think my point is: having these conflicting feelings is okay! Actually, it is normal. It is human. As happy as I am when my parents are here visiting I am still sad when they leave. That is perfectly okay. As happy as I was in my relationship I am allowed to grieve for the loss of having a co-pilot. (Maybe in the journey of life I've been upgraded to a solo pilot because someone out there knows I can handle it. I need to keep that same faith in myself.) I think the last few months I have been ignoring the sadness that can come with changes and I certainly haven’t wanted to blog about it! (Who wants to read a depressing monologue?!... If you do, pick up some Shakespeare.) I think I’m ready to start being honest about some of the feelings I've been left to deal with. I know I've said it before – it sucks! I’m talking about getting a little deeper than that though – my heart hurts.

Accepting that I feel sad about something doesn't mean I am not still grateful for my wonderful life, beautiful friends, promising opportunities, exciting adventures, good health, and positive attitude. I’m just tuning in a little more carefully to how it feels to be me. If you don’t like it, don’t read the blog. I have developed some fantastic skills to help me through this new realization. (The fact that I am considering “It’s okay to be sad” a new realization is a little bit funny to me. It seems like such an easy concept.) One of these skills is a sense of humor and the ability to laugh at myself. Come on, even I know, the single girl life can be pretty hilarious. So am I laughing or crying as I write this? Both. And you know what? Feeling that way is pretty damned normal!

My First Time

First, let me point out that you can now follow the blog by email. Over here to the right!

I made the 7 hour journey from the Burg to the Bluegrass this weekend. This time instead of me and a Nicholas Sparks book on CD I had Shauna with me for company! The purpose of the trip was so she could find a new car and we could stop sharing mine – a worthy goal for sure! The beginning of a long drive is always the easiest. You are singing and talking and snacking. We were having no problems at all! In fact, I was telling her a hilarious/embarrassing/gross/entertaining story that we were cracking up over. Then we both saw it at the same time – black SUV parked on the side of the highway, lights on top, pulling out right as I drive by. I look at my speedometer and the dreadful feeling of “Oh shit.” washes over me. I was going way too fast. I don’t know how my foot got so heavy or when I turned cruise control off but here was the moment of truth. I’m gradually slowing down and the SUV is steadily getting closer to my tail. I think he was close enough to read every bumper sticker before he turned his lights on. And there it was folks – my first time being pulled over.

The officer was friendly enough and had an adorable West Virginia accent. I wish I could recreate it in writing for you. He was curious as to where we were going and where we were coming from. I think I acted calm and friendly but really I was shaking like a leaf! He asked if I knew why I was pulled over and I gave him a big ole “Yes sir,” and I’m sure I threw a smile in there too. I knew exactly why I was being pulled over but I didn’t want to let him know I knew how fast I was going, even if it was purely by accident! After he looked up my information and came back with his little pink pad of paper I had a brief flash of fear about getting my license suspended. He asked why I was in such a hurry and if I knew how fast I was going? I hit him with the truth and told him I wasn’t in a hurry and I don’t even know how I got going that fast! He said it was easy to do but going that fast won’t get me home at all (meaning it will get me killed I think). He had me sign off on the little pink slip but made sure I knew it wasn’t a ticket, just a warning. He didn’t want to ruin my weekend! I looked up at him, so grateful, and said, “This is my first time ever being pulled over. I don’t know if you want to take that as a good or bad thing.” He replied, “Oh ma’am, it’s a very good thing. Now ya’ll be safe.” I wanted to tell him that I didn’t like his pen very much but I didn’t want to push my luck so I just told Shauna.

As we entered the WV Turnpike we passed each other a few more times. I couldn’t help but smile remembering my first time, not because I got away without a ticket but because it was just the lesson I needed to take my driving safety up a notch. This man could have just saved my life! (I also signed a no texting while driving pledge this weekend too. Thanks dad!) Yes, I just turned getting pulled over into a positive meaningful event!

Another quick thing I wanted to add in this post was some of my thoughts on “home.” I wasn’t really looking forward to making the trip back to KY. I felt like so much of my life, work, and friends were all in Harrisonburg. Yes, I love Kentucky so much, and I love my family and friends there but I almost feel more settled in the Valley now. I spent all last year missing and wishing I was at home spending time in my relationship. I don’t have that to go back to anymore and it’s a weird feeling but it is so fulfilling to know I am creating my own home, my own happiness. How crazy is it to think y’all that at this time next year I could very well be setting up shop in a new home, new state, new school?! That used to really freak me out but ya know, I’m okay with it now. I think know I can handle it.

30 Seconds of Courage

This weekend was a super fun time in the Burg. I didn’t get lots of homework done like I wanted to but I got to be very social and that was a nice change of pace. We spent time at Bluestone Vineyard, the Artful Dodger, and partying around Longview Oaks! Just one update before I get into the rest of the weekend – Remember the guy that asked Shauna to call him? Well, he now has added her to a group text and sent out the message, “What’s poppin” yesterday night. Needless to say, she is taking after me and has stopped responding. Idiot.

Okay, so this weekend on Friday afternoon/evening there was a graduate school dinner for all graduate students and their families. Of course, lots of CSPAers were there being social and loving on the free food. At some point during the dinner I decided this would be a perfect place to try to meet normal nice people who aren’t in my cohort… which evolved to Emily and Greg scouting out attractive men. Duh. After a few no-goes Greg pointed out two super cute guys sneaking in a little late. They sat down with their food and Greg and I started to head over to chat them up about joining the Graduate Student Association but then they got up to get drinks. Ugh. By this time my table knows what’s going on. I think they also know how uncharacteristic it is of me to go up and talk to strangers, even if I have a reason to. I think I took this as a challenge and thought to myself, I am never going to make new friends if I don’t talk to new people. So I used my 30 seconds of brave independent woman courage and walked over to talk to them by myself! It was a pretty monumental moment that has now been documented in history thanks to my friends for taking pictures. Haha but here’s what happened once I got over there:

I gave my GSA opening remarks and before I had to scramble to say something else intelligent the guys informed me about GSA because they work for The Graduate School and one of their friends is also on the executive board with Greg and Candace. They asked if I knew their friend and oddly enough the name sounded familiar (this never happens to me at JMU!) and it clicked. Their friend lives in the apartment across from me, we’re neighbors! After I said this they looked pretty surprised – and for good reason – they were dog sitting this weekend while their friend is out of town! They knew exactly where I lived and what my lovely JMU wreath looked like. This is where awkward Emily made her grand appearance by wishing them both a great weekend and leaving without introducing myself. I think I was just thrown off by the it’s-a-small-world-after-all effect that was going on… or my 30 seconds of courage were up. I returned back to my table and gave everyone the thumbs up. I did it! I made new friends! Even if I have no clue what their names are…

Later that night morning (2AM) I wrote a note to the dog sitters of Apartment D and taped it to their door. At this point, what did I have to lose? They already know I live here! The note basically just said, “Knock on our door if you are bored and come be our friends!” To our surprise the next afternoon when we were leaving our apartment we found reply hidden in the wreath saying to have a great day and we might have some company later. Who knew that making new friends could be so fun!? We did chat it up later in the day, officially exchanged names, and shared a few beers during the UofL football game (while checking the score of the JMU game). It was a good afternoon which led into a great evening full of more CSPA friends too. My apartment was filled to capacity with people! Can't wait until next time y'all!

The crazy moral of this story is something that I have known all along but have a very difficult time putting into practice. Meet someone new! Talk to people! Get to know them! Surprise yourself with 30 seconds of courage and it will pay off. I think I am going to have an extended network of new grad school friends and I’m pretty happy about it. To me, that is definitely worth a little risk. I told the two guys that I would probably blog about this so if they ever read it, I hope they are happy with the way they were presented (not creepy) and if they aren’t - I didn’t use their names in order to protect the innocent :)

Cheers to new friends, fall nights, and CSPA bonding!

Nice Rack!

So I have a few serious thoughts to get out of the way and then I’ll give y’all the grand single life update. I know you are dying to know what (or who!) has been occupying my time lately. I don’t know if I’m on my second or third life revelation (the first was that wearing make up makes you look prettier) but who’s keeping count anyway so I’m just gonna go with it. My newest revelation is that first, relationships ending suck. That’s a given. But the reasons why are the real sad parts. I lost someone who used to be my best friend. Someone who I relied on and who relied on me. Someone who became my superhero on really bad days and my biggest cheerleader on really good days. This someone turns into a void, practically nonexistent in all of the everyday moments. Oh sure, I still think of him, but who I am thinking of is not the same person anymore. This brings me to the main point of my discovery. The person who I love only exists in the past. He only lives on in the memories I’ve gathered up and stored in a shoebox. My job for the future is to heal and grow. I am changing my perspective on life and striving to be the best me that I can be. I can’t say what his job is or if he is changing or not. It’s not my business to know any of that but what I do know is: the person he is today and who he has become since he left my life is a stranger. I refuse to let myself think that is a sad fact. I am looking at that as a comfort. I was lucky enough to have a really happy thing at one point but now, I can’t feel that way about someone I don’t even know.

Alright, now all of that is out of the way… Or if you’re one of those people that avoid anything emotional and sappy at all costs, this will be the first part of the post you actually comprehend. I don’t want to say that being single is so terrible but I also don’t want to say it is so amazing either. It just is. Like me, I just am. And I’ll tell ya what, I am pretty darn happy. I feel fantastic about what I have to offer the world! I posted something similar on Facebook this week and my wonderful supervisor from this summer said, “You should feel like that every day!” I thought about it for awhile and I do feel like that every day I just hadn’t found a way to articulate it.

Even though I may feel incredible about myself, the guys in Harrisonburg sure aren’t picking up on that! (Or maybe they are just too intimidated. Guys, that’s a real fear right?) My roommate, Shauna, takes the cake for award winning texting conversations this post. Here’s a snippet from last weekend:

Guy: Hey, what’s good?

Shauna: Who is this?

Guy: We met at a party.*

(insert more awkward small talk)

Guy: What’s happenin tonight?

Shauna: Having some friends over for dinner.

Guy: Call me tomorrow.

*First, we didn’t meet this idiot at a party. We met him at a bar – a public venue on a Saturday night 15 days ago! How strange to contact her now! Although, we gave him the benefit of the doubt because Shauna (who is much better at not giving away all of her personal information when exchanging phone numbers) saved her number in his phone as GO CARDS! so it was understandable he couldn’t get in touch with her even if he wanted to. Then again, he doesn’t sound like he wanted to that badly. Call me tomorrow? Ugh. I can’t even talk about this level of stupidity anymore.

This week, I went to a kickboxing class with my friend Maggie. It was an amazing workout and I really felt like I kicked some serious butt! (I woke up the next day feeling like I’d been hit by a truck but that’s another story…) As soon as I saw her I couldn’t hold in my good news any longer. “I met a guy today!” I burst out. Without missing a beat she says, “Is he a student?” There wasn’t really any way around that one... I just had to go with the truth. Yes. Yes, he is a student. So therefore… No. No , I didn’t really meet a guy today I just reviewed his resume.

Overall, I’d say the highlight of the last two weeks has been taking out the trash and noticing a wine rack near the dumpster. Right away I walked skipped back to the apartment to get Shauna and show her my great find. She approved! We carried it back to the apartment where I washed it down and cleaned it up. The next step in my I-must-be-mature-if-I-have-a-wine-rack experience is to sand all the nasty spots where it looks like a poorly trained puppy was allowed to use it for a chew toy. Otherwise, it is in really great condition! Eventually, I’m going to paint it and then here comes the best part - stock it with wine... or vodka. Okay, both. Cheers to a wine/vodka rack! The newest addition to 334C!

The Adventures of a Single Girl

I’ve been out a couple times since I last posted and the single life is not getting any easier! (I have however, been wearing make up and I think I’m getting prettier! That's a plus.) I just really like being with my friends (I’m DFF all night, every night! And that means Down For Fun! If anyone is wondering..) so when I have to devote time to strangers it gets a little exhausting. I don’t mind meeting new people, in fact, I enjoy it, but when they are telling me about their drug use I get a little bored. Or the guy whose dog just died and he is out drinking away his sorrows… I have a difficult time connecting with that. Let’s not forget the guy who sent his friend to talk to me because he was too scared himself. Seriously?! I can’t even handle that. And you all remember mint green V-neck guy who asked me to buy him a drink? I think I met his third cousin who also asked me to buy him a drink which he thought guaranteed sole ownership of being my dance partner all night. Needless to say, I didn’t buy him a drink. One of my favorite types of guys to meet are the ones that give you a fake name when you first meet them. That really helps me trust the men in this world. Regardless of the strife, it’s still fun to be on the look out for cute guys. Unfortunately for me and Shauna we end up being surrounded by men that look homeless most of the time. And if not homeless looking, severely vertically challenged… (if you were there you know what I mean.)

So now that we know my choice of men is top notch let me get into another issue. Giving out my phone number. What is the proper protocol for that? What do I say if I don’t want to give it to him? It doesn’t matter what I should say because I go brain dead in the moment anyway and end up typing my first and last name, social security number, parents address, and old instant messenger user name into his phone. This then leads to further problems… random text messages from people I wasn’t all that interested in to begin with! I win them over with my shining personality I think. Let me give you some examples:

Example 1)

Guy: I hope to see you again

Me: My car battery died

Example 2)

Guy: I'll be around next weekend, let me know if you’re trying to hang out

Me: It looks like today will be a perfect day for hiking!

Example 3)

Guy: Do you work out a lot?

Me: (no response)

Example 4)

Guy: Hey, I have a case of beer and a bottle of jack

Me: Have fun?

Ugh, enough of that stimulating conversation... You hear about unique places to meet men featured in articles on various women’s self help websites or magazines. I thought I’d try a new one out: the bookstore. The Green Valley Discount Book Fair to be exact. Nothing says romance like a giant warehouse full of senior citizens squinting to read the small print, screaming children screaming about everything, and having to carry a shopping basket that becomes so heavy you get imprints in your forearms after 7 minutes. Okay so the real goal wasn’t to meet a man, we were there because Shauna and I love books and were filling up our rainy Saturday afternoon. However, I found a man stalker. We made eye contact in the poetry section, across the room from best sellers and writing references, and then again over a poorly placed Tucker Max book. I quickly realized somehow no matter when or where I looked up there he was. Shauna and I met up again and moved to the juvenile fiction section and I turn around and there he was. Next we wondered to the women’s health section.. no sign is a good sign, so we continued to self help/relationship advice. We are cracking up over some flirting tips (which we both need!) and who is there enjoying the sound of our laughter? My stalker! Holding a women’s health book upside down and staring right at us. Oh joy. It’s time to leave. As we were standing in line Shauna alerts me to his nearing presence and I finally realize, “I should have just said hi in the very beginning and gotten all this awkwardness over with.” Then an even bigger realization hits me: he is wearing jorts. Jorts! We were outta there!