Beauty in the Breakdown

I was reading over some things that I journaled awhile go. In it I asked myself if I was struggling. This stemmed from the many quotes found mainly on Pinterest but really, anywhere. You might have heard the song, “Let Go,” (with the telling line “there is beauty in the breakdown”) or have seen the phrase, “The struggle is part of the story,” or perhaps even read the leadership book, “Strength in the Struggle.” I know I didn’t stumble upon a new feeling or come up with an original idea. People have hard times and become stronger because of them. People hurt but would go through all the pain again because those moments of joy in the journey are worth it. It’s difficult to see the logic in the moment though so quotes and songs and stories like these help us to push on. The right people remind us it’s okay to jump into that messy situation because in the end everything will be okay. (If you have time to reflect, listen to this song, or just let it play while you read.)

So my original question, am I struggling? At the time I had a very broken heart paired with a very resilient spirit. My poor mind had a difficult time figuring out where I fit between the two. Every day was a battle ping pong match going back and forth between grieving for what was and searching for what is. That isn’t even taking into account dreaming about what would be. So yes, I think I was struggling, but no, I don’t think that was a bad thing. In fact, I think my struggle was kind of beautiful.

If something doesn’t go wrong, how do you know when it is right? The art of true appreciation and the gift of feeling genuine gratitude can be unearthed in those defining moments when you finally make sense of the pain. I’m tired of acting like suffering is a weakness. It is okay to hurt! (In fact, I wrote a whole post about that already.) The test of tribulation is what forms us and shapes us and allows us to say, “I think I like who I am becoming.” But only if that test is faced with determination, hope, courage. The struggle, the breakdown, is able to take over when we give in to despair and wallow in the what-would-have-been’s. Don’t let that be you. Be brave.

I’m talking a lot about what I have learned from previous problems but none of this would be relevant if I wasn’t struggling now. And I am, I can admit that. I’m not afraid to push through this breakdown and build myself up higher than before. After all, I live in Pikeville now, the city that moves mountains. The history of this town is fitting as I continuously work on making a life here. Where else would I get to enjoy a tire blow out competition to wrap up Muscle on Main on a Friday night? Or drive by a woman on the side of the road with a sign that reads “pot belly pigs” and a crate full of them in front of her to prove it? Or be greeted by decorated bears at every corner? (A park ranger bear helped me at City Hall and this here Friend of Coal, I couldn’t pass up.) Or have a majestic view of the great state of Kentucky from atop a mountain in Virginia? I can’t think of anywhere else that I would be able to try all of these things, build a future, and be this happy struggling to do it.