The Adventures of a Single Girl

I’ve been out a couple times since I last posted and the single life is not getting any easier! (I have however, been wearing make up and I think I’m getting prettier! That's a plus.) I just really like being with my friends (I’m DFF all night, every night! And that means Down For Fun! If anyone is wondering..) so when I have to devote time to strangers it gets a little exhausting. I don’t mind meeting new people, in fact, I enjoy it, but when they are telling me about their drug use I get a little bored. Or the guy whose dog just died and he is out drinking away his sorrows… I have a difficult time connecting with that. Let’s not forget the guy who sent his friend to talk to me because he was too scared himself. Seriously?! I can’t even handle that. And you all remember mint green V-neck guy who asked me to buy him a drink? I think I met his third cousin who also asked me to buy him a drink which he thought guaranteed sole ownership of being my dance partner all night. Needless to say, I didn’t buy him a drink. One of my favorite types of guys to meet are the ones that give you a fake name when you first meet them. That really helps me trust the men in this world. Regardless of the strife, it’s still fun to be on the look out for cute guys. Unfortunately for me and Shauna we end up being surrounded by men that look homeless most of the time. And if not homeless looking, severely vertically challenged… (if you were there you know what I mean.)

So now that we know my choice of men is top notch let me get into another issue. Giving out my phone number. What is the proper protocol for that? What do I say if I don’t want to give it to him? It doesn’t matter what I should say because I go brain dead in the moment anyway and end up typing my first and last name, social security number, parents address, and old instant messenger user name into his phone. This then leads to further problems… random text messages from people I wasn’t all that interested in to begin with! I win them over with my shining personality I think. Let me give you some examples:

Example 1)

Guy: I hope to see you again

Me: My car battery died

Example 2)

Guy: I'll be around next weekend, let me know if you’re trying to hang out

Me: It looks like today will be a perfect day for hiking!

Example 3)

Guy: Do you work out a lot?

Me: (no response)

Example 4)

Guy: Hey, I have a case of beer and a bottle of jack

Me: Have fun?

Ugh, enough of that stimulating conversation... You hear about unique places to meet men featured in articles on various women’s self help websites or magazines. I thought I’d try a new one out: the bookstore. The Green Valley Discount Book Fair to be exact. Nothing says romance like a giant warehouse full of senior citizens squinting to read the small print, screaming children screaming about everything, and having to carry a shopping basket that becomes so heavy you get imprints in your forearms after 7 minutes. Okay so the real goal wasn’t to meet a man, we were there because Shauna and I love books and were filling up our rainy Saturday afternoon. However, I found a man stalker. We made eye contact in the poetry section, across the room from best sellers and writing references, and then again over a poorly placed Tucker Max book. I quickly realized somehow no matter when or where I looked up there he was. Shauna and I met up again and moved to the juvenile fiction section and I turn around and there he was. Next we wondered to the women’s health section.. no sign is a good sign, so we continued to self help/relationship advice. We are cracking up over some flirting tips (which we both need!) and who is there enjoying the sound of our laughter? My stalker! Holding a women’s health book upside down and staring right at us. Oh joy. It’s time to leave. As we were standing in line Shauna alerts me to his nearing presence and I finally realize, “I should have just said hi in the very beginning and gotten all this awkwardness over with.” Then an even bigger realization hits me: he is wearing jorts. Jorts! We were outta there!