Bucket List Bios

Those of you that know me know how much I love plans. Even right now I want to text a friend to find out our “plans.” However, I took a class last year that was very ambiguous. It took me awhile to catch on but what doesn’t challenge you, doesn’t change you. I prefer having plans but sometimes the best outcomes happen from no plans at all. I’ve been keeping a running tab of things I hope to do one day – my bucket list – also linked as a tab on the blog. I’m going to talk about two things I have recently checked off the list and both of them were planned unplanned adventures!

When: Wednesday afternoon àThursday morning

Where: Skipping graduate classes à Boone, North Carolina (4.5 hours away)

Who: my roommate, Shauna, Sundy Best, and new friends from Kentucky

What: spontaneous trip to see Sundy Best and Corey Smith perform a concert at Appalachian State University

Why: YOLO

The story: Now that the scene is set, Shauna and I took off, showed up, arrived at the bar, and realized that we were perhaps the oldest people in line to get in. There were lots of undergraduate college students around us, which we usually love, but not when we want to have a few beers and hear our favorite band (or when they are peeing outside on a truck – which happened.) 

Waiting to get in. The bar was BYOB check in style.

"Heaven must be a Kentucky kind of place" and "Kentucky kicks ass" shirts.

After we were in and settled I overheard someone at the bar say they were from Kentucky. I freaked out, introduced myself, and made some new friends. Shauna and I watched, loved, and sang along with every song Sundy Best performed. (The students around us had no clue who they were and we yelled at them over and over to just shut up and learn to love them.) 

Front row, far right.

After they finished and Corey Smith’s band was setting up we walked over to the merchandise table where our new Kentucky friends were and I said to them, “Can you introduce us to your other Kentucky friends?” And guess who we got to meet? Sundy Best! Kris and Nick! (Now you are probably thinking – wow, cool, that is great to check off your bucket list but noooo.. there is more!) After we chatted a bit, took some pictures, and chatted some more it clicked in Kris’ mind that Shauna and I drove almost 5 hours on a work night to watch them. That is when we both got big kisses on the cheek! And here is where I can cross “kiss a boy in a band” off my bucket list!! It was one of the best nights ever. After Corey Smith finished we hung out a little more and then finally drove around Boone to find late night food and a hotel. After sleeping only a few hours we made the trek back up to JMU where we had to rush into work and keep on keeping on! Thinking of the excitement from the night before is what kept me going all day!

Shauna, Sundy Best (Nick and Kris), and me!

When: That day in January that I ran a mile for the first time à early Saturday morning in April

Where: Planet Fitness gym à JMU’s campus

Who: my roommate, Shauna, other cohort friends, and 700 other racers

What: 5K race to support girls and women health and physical education

Why: It was a color run with a box of Girl Scout cookies at the end!

The story: There isn’t much to this story except that when it comes to physical activity I am a lazy ass. You might laugh but really – I have always led an active lifestyle with really high metabolism and haven’t ever worked up a habit of exercising regularly (except the two years in high school that Mom and I fell in love with Pilates). One semester I tried going to the gym with a friend every morning at 6AM or so and half the time I think he found me stretching sleeping on the yoga mats when it was time to leave. I do enough to be a fairly healthy person but certainly nothing extra for sure! This all changed in January when I joined a gym in Harrisonburg for pretty cheap and really didn’t know what else to do there so I jumped on a treadmill.

At this point I was only really concerned about getting the guy signing me up's phone number. Mission accomplished.

After a few trips I challenged myself to run a mile – something I had never done in my life. (Full disclosure, I somehow always lied got away with not running the complete mile in grade school or high school – even for the Presidential fitness test!) After a mile became a smoother trek I tried to knock my time down to under 10 minutes. Then I added more distance. I had never pushed myself so hard physically before. It was pretty awesome if I’m honest about it. Who would have ever thought I would say that?! Then I went on a gym hiatus. I was working on my portfolio and class and applying for jobs and work got busy. I just didn’t make time and needed to stay focused on other things. Excuses, excuses, I know. But it’s my life so whatever, that’s what happened.

A few weeks ago I was inspired by an email advertising a race and started back at the gym again. The seed of running a 5K was planted in my head. It was already on my bucket list but really I thought I had years to accomplish that. One night I was pretty fired up about something which is great fuel for the gym. I didn’t set out trying to run 3 miles but as I got closer I just kept going. Afterwards I thought, that’s it, I have to sign up! I’m on a roll! Over the next two weeks I had some muscle pain in my calves so I didn’t get out as often as I would have liked. In fact, I have only ran twice in that time frame but I was already signed up and determined. My goal was to take it easy but finish strong. I wanted to run this race, not walk it. Since I didn’t know what type of pain I would experience in my calves I decided 15 minute miles was a safe pace and wanted to finish the race in 45 minutes. After being blasted with red, purple, yellow, blue, and green every kilometer, I ran through that finish line so proud of myself. Get this – my time was a little over 30 minutes. SO PROUD! The end was made a little sweeter by being rewarded with a box of girl scout cookies…. And brunch at Billy Jack’s complete with a bloody Mary and my favorite breakfast sliders.

Jumping for joy with my CSPA little. Check out the mountains in the background. I get that view everyday.

No, things didn’t go as planned for me in the last few weeks but I accomplished something I never thought I would be able to do. I made memories that will never be able to be replaced. Life is unpredictable and ambiguous and that’s okay with me. I’ve been challenged and I’ve been changed. What have you done lately that has surprised you? What do you want to do?

Vegas Engagement!

Clearly, the title of this post is not what it sounds like. Keep reading - you'll understand. 

The semester is officially half way over. It seems like time has just flown by! Anytime someone tells me that in 6 short weeks I will have my Master’s degree I have this mixed sensation of excitement, terror, and dread. (Which I was so kindly reminded of again today.) I am so excited because I have worked so hard and I am ready to contribute to a field I love so much. I am in terror because I don’t have a job yet and I kinda want one of those to be able to contribute to the field. Lastly, I am full of dread because I can’t even imagine leaving the friendships I have made here. What I do is in Virginia. Who I love is in Harrisonburg. Where will I be without them? It’s just really sad to think about. HOWEVER, I completely believe in building and maintaining long distance friendships. You don’t have to see someone every day for them to be an important part of your life or even, your best friend. Just ask me and Tracy. In fact you don’t even have to talk every day. Sometimes your hearts just already knows.

Well, since I’m doing a little reminiscing about the semester I wanted to pick out some of the coolest things that have happened so far that I might not have mentioned in the blog. (Okay, so after I wrote all of this and added the pictures I decided to just leave it at two of the coolest things. I could recap every weekend if I wanted to but I don’t want to make anyone jealous with all of the library time and dancing at the Dodger I have been doing.)

A huge highlight of this semester was being asked to be in Maggie and Craig’s wedding. They got engaged over winter break on a cruise and along with some help from the cohort I threw them an engagement party soon after. We had super cute invitations (handmade by us!), amazing food, so many friends, and a fun game to learn about the bride and groom a little more. At the end of the game Maggie asked if she could say a few words and she starts talking about me! I immediately said, um, stop, this is your party! And she said, hold on! The rest was caught on video that I unsuccessfully tried to uploaded here. There is lots of me standing in shock but near the very end you can see my happy dance realization that we’re gonna have a wedding!! Pictures of the evening will have to suffice!

The Shoe Game

Very entertaining!

Some of the cohort with the bride-to-be

Me thinking she was giving me a signed picture frame? What?

So proud of her crafting! And proud to stand by her on her wedding day!

Family photo. Mom, Dad, and child. Typical.

 Another big deal was being able to fly to Las Vegas with some of my cohort loves for a national conference during spring break. We had a day of adventure in Philadelphia before we left, hilarious rough and tumble times in airport security, adjoined hotel rooms (that we enjoyed like little kids!), delicious food, lots of frozen drinks, slot machines and black jack tables, exploration of the Vegas strip, and good quality time connecting with, networking, learning from, and soaking in all the student affairs connections and information being shared from across the nation. SO MUCH FUN! Here are some pictures of the trip.

3 girls, 5 days, 7 bags

On the plane

Walking inside Paris (the casino/hotel)

All of the people at the conference!

Serendipity's Frozen Hot Chocolate 

Bellagio fountains at night

We made time for drinks and gambling! We HAD to!

Classic. How could I not post this?

Typical Vegas strip characters

Our last family (Greg, Maggie, Kelly, and I) meal - at the Bellagio

The Best Damn Life

I was up very late or very early last night/morning depending on how you look at it. I leave for a conference in Las Vegas for my spring break in a few days and had some work I wanted to get done. I pulled my first semi-all-nighter since undergrad! I was writing a reflection paper for my final portfolio that I need for graduation. I did lots of thinking about the past two years and my own personal growth and development which led me to reflect on years prior to this adventure too.

I don’t talk about something that happened a long time ago much anymore and I’m fairly certain I have never blogged about it. It doesn’t mean I don’t ever think about it but it’s not the dwelling kind of thinking that consumes me every second of every day anymore. No, it’s a kind of pain you learn to live with. It becomes normal and natural and a part of you. Every once in awhile it will be sharp – a reminder to not forget, to not get too comfortable. Mostly though, it doesn’t weigh me down, in fact, these memories can make me smile and lift me up. Thank you to my friends who have been around on the rough days. Who listen even when they have no idea what to say. Who smile along when I make a distasteful joke about death. Who know exactly what I mean when I say, “only the good die young.”

My freshman year of college I lost my best friend to a tragic airplane accident. He was what I considered my everything, my best friend, partner in crime, keeper of my secrets, the love of my life. Looking back now there are so many blessings that were sprinkled along the path up until the day he died. So many moments where God was preparing me for what was about to happen. He gave Evan the words to say that will be forever engrained in my heart. Specifically, Evan said to me a few weeks before the accident, “If I die you better live the best damn life you possibly can because you would be living for two people, not just one.” It was that line, that memory of sitting shot gun as we drove under the stop lights near the railroad tracks heading towards Walton on US 27, that has kept me going even on days I wanted to give up.

This was the last sentence I typed before I decided it was time to wrap up last night. “I never want to be finished with this journey because I am having way too much fun making the best of it!” As I reread it I treasured the moment I was having. I could feel Evan. I knew in that moment I had done right by him. I knew I followed his advice and he was looking over me. I’ve heard that people get a little crazy without enough sleep and at this point I had been up for 22 hours straight. I might have been seeing things or imagining them but in my gut, even now, I can recognize his presence. It doesn’t happen often but it happens when I need it to and he was with me last night. He still makes me brave and gives me faith. I’m a little surprised that I am sharing this with all of you because so much of my healing journey through his lost was personal, as all grief is. I guess I feel it’s important to remember how lucky and beautiful our small and wild lives are. I also hope that you, readers, understand that anyone who comes into your life will serve a purpose and you in turn are entering other's lives serving them as well. We are all connected in some way. The universe knows. It may not make sense at the time but one day when you piece together all the tiny details there was a plan there all along. Perhaps even the purpose in Evan’s life was to influence me to do amazing things with mine. I plan on living the best damn life that I can.

Evan and I celebrating our birthday's (16 and 20) with ice cream sundae's! Some things never change.

Modern Chaos

Over winter break I was able to spend some time in our national capitol doing some pretty wonderful things with my family. One of our short trips in between events was to the National Gallery of Art. I was mesmerized by some of the displays they had. My parents wanted to focus on the classics from a long time ago – you know the famous Monet paintings or Michelangelo sculptures. But when I walked into the modern and contemporary art gallery I had a sense of energy and inspiration. I felt connected to the art. I couldn’t stop staring. I wanted to run my fingers along the paintings so badly! They called to me. (My family did their fair share of calling to try to get me to leave too!) 

My family on the super cool walkway after putting up with me for so long.

My brother looked at something next to me and said, “That looks like something a 2 year old could do.” And really, he had a point, it was a bunch of colored paint splattered on a canvas. But I came to the defense of the artist and said in response, “I’d like to see you try to do it.” When it comes to recreating art, I just think it is impossible. That piece of art is a design, a concept, a creation, internalized, felt, and made by the artist. Even the artist probably couldn’t recreate it. It’s a little bit like life. You can’t recreate your life but you can keep going and create it. It’s never too late to design something beautiful. Everyone has their own type of chaos they are living with. To me, modern art is a way to express that chaos and see the beauty in it.

I can't even imagine how this was accomplished. So much paint!

This is chaos.

I hope to do something like this next time I paint pottery!

It’s common to think of chaos as a negative thing. But it all depends on your perspective. This world was created out of chaos (depending on which school of thought you believe, but still, you get my point). If I didn’t have chaos in my life I think I would be bored! Just like the lines, shapes, and colors of the art gave me energy the differences, challenges, people, and moments of life give me energy as well. There is power in that energy. Power to reach goals and accomplishments. Power to make a difference, make a change. There is also the leeway to make meaning however you want to interpret modern art. It’s not just how the artist envisioned it but the involvement of the viewer adds a new dimension. As we all know, from many previous blog posts, I am making meaning out of my life every day. I am so thankful to the artists who inspired me while on my trip to DC and even more thankful to be able to share my thoughts will all of you.

Time

I have lots of great ideas about what to blog about but after last week and the two already painful days of this week I have to scratch all the great ideas and talk about what is on my mind and that is…. Time. I could talk about how I know I’ll meet someone perfect for me when I am in the right place at the right time. Or I could talk about how I came to the place I am in my life – all the tiny moments in time that led up to right now. Or I could go a completely different route and talk about my future and how I don’t know what time will bring me. I do plan to talk about all of these things at some point but tonight I want to touch on the restrictions of time.

I feel like I am being strangled. Every reading I have to do, every paper I have to write, every load of laundry that needs to be washed, every drive to campus, every student appointment, every, every, every! I add up every minute each of these things will take and I am always coming up short of time. Or I underestimate how long something will take and become behind on my to-do list (which is never ending). It’s like I’m drowning in responsibilities and each time I accomplish something I get a breath of fresh air but then I get pulled under again. I know I am being cynical. I’m not complaining about anything I have to do. I enjoy it all. I want to be doing what I am doing – never doubt that – but I just wish time could freeze until I could catch up a little bit.

I try to use my weekends to catch up and spend most Saturday’s in the library but I need to relax too! I need to be social and visit with friends and make the most of beautiful Virginia and watch the Bachelor on Monday’s with the girls. Yes, I need to do these things too! I’ve been trying to stick with our healthy living plan for the new year and still make it to the gym. Then there is cooking dinner and packing lunch. Health is important but it takes time too!

I am realizing that I have limitations. I can’t just keep pushing and pushing and pushing and except to come out perfect and shining at the end. There are going to be bumps and bruises along the way. Nothing worth it in life comes easy. Right now I’m just taking a little tumble with time. None of this means I’m not happy or I’m not having fun but I certainly am being challenged. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to how I spend my time and I need to continue keep fighting the good fight.

Everything will be alright in the end and if it's not alright it's not the end. I'm am looking towards that light at the end of the tunnel! I just gotta get the lock down on the clock!

SMILE

This morning I  have a few minutes to kill before going to church. You know, that awkward time when you are already dressed and ready but there isn't really enough time to make breakfast or start an assignment and nothing is on TV at this time of day. So here I am - blogging.

I met a guy at a bar once who gave me a super hateful look. I was not about to give him the time of day, except to complain to my friends about what could I have possibly done to make him dislike me without even knowing me! Rude! Then I saw him smile. When my parents warned me about charming boys this is exactly who they were talking about. His smile was gorgeous. My whole perception of him changed in an instant as soon as he showed off those pearly whites. A simple smile has that much power. This brings me to my realization for this morning: my smile is also my best accessory. Your expressions can tell others so much about you. Why not start off with a smile? (Yes, I still think that hateful look he gave me was weird!)

Since my allergic sensitive skin reaction I have been cutting out lots of cosmetic products, specifically make up. At first I felt so naked and ugly without it and I still don't feel as polished as I would like to but when I look in the mirror and smile - I feel pretty okay about myself. I believe my smile really shows off the happiness for life I feel inside. And that is what should really matter, correct? Since my smile is the way I express to others the joy I feel (although, it can express so much more than that in different contexts) I thought it was fitting to end with some quotes on happiness. I saw my friends posting about this recently, maybe it's what got me thinking about smiles to begin with.

Kelly threw this little gem out there..
It is not in the pursuit of happiness that we find fulfillment, it is in the happiness of pursuit. -Denis Waitley

Aimee got me thinking with this..
The happiest people are those who have stopped chasing happiness and instead search for meaningfulness. -my textbook

When co-teaching class this week a wise woman said..
Happiness is a product, not a place. It is found in the journey, not in the destination.

I am in the pursuit of meaningfulness on my journey of life and I find something to smile about around every turn. The world will never wonder if I am happy or not. My smile says it all.

A hot relaxed mess

I have been wanting to post a blog to keep up with the habit but I usually write when I feel really moved or inspired about a topic or feeling. I have a whole list of things that have hit me that I want to write about but I just haven’t had the spark that lights my fire to write. Today, I thought if I just start writing – the words will come. They are all a part of me anyway. A part of me that I share with you.

I’ve got it. This post is a pep talk. I think I am getting sloppy. My mind is in too many places at once. I’m not focusing on the tasks I have right in front of me. My room is a mess. The kitchen is even worse! I think someone somewhere says that your home is a reflection of yourself. I hate that I am being represented this way but I think it’s what I am becoming! It’s even showing up on my face!! (Oh no, wait, that is just the sensitive skin reaction I got on my eyes over break that has lasted two weeks into the semester and spread to the rest of my face. I finally have some medicine that is clearing it up. Thank goodness! My dermatologist is a genius. Remember my leg problem? Basically, I’m allergic to all the soaps, lotions, and cosmetic products I’ve been using. I already am really careful about what products I use but I just had to order a new line of EXTRA hypoallergenic stuff. I have more sensitive skin than a red head! End side story.)

I’ve been noticing in myself how much more relaxed I have been over the past few months. I used to be so worried and uptight about everything! It was probably my biggest critique from my ex. That I liked plans too much and couldn’t relax and go with the flow. I’m pretty sure I started many fights with my itineraries or because we were lost or late or not being productive. It’s so funny thinking about it now because I feel like I am the relaxing free spirit among some of my friends and family. I very rarely stress out these days. I know what control I have and I know the universe guides my path. With those realizations combined I am falling perfectly into my hippie happy place. I’m learning how flexible I can be and how exciting it is when plans change. I wonder if because I was surrounded by so many easy going relaxed people before my uptight type-A personality came through to try to “help” them or at least keep them organized. Remove them and I have become available to the peace of only being responsible for myself. The plans I had for the rest of my life changed and when something that big happens you have to find a way to adapt. I’ve adapted by embracing changing plans and the flexibility that comes with it. The thought of moving almost anywhere in the country for a new job makes me feel so free and alive.

I like being relaxed. Don’t get me wrong. It was different at first, but I like it. I am so much healthier not stressing out! Even my breathing feels calm these days. But ya know what, if I am going to accomplish all the things I need to accomplish then I need a plan. I need to get my shit together and check things off my to-do list. I need to create a to-do list, for goodness sake! So from this moment on, I’m going back to keeping myself on a strict time table of productivity. This semester especially is important that I make progress (in my classes, with my final comprehensive portfolio, and job searching) because the rest of my career depends on it. At the same time I want to enjoy every minute with every person I care about in Harrisonburg before I have to move. If I am going to work more I’ll be socializing less. I don’t like that. What else could I give up? Working out? No, I am making too much progress there. Cooking? No, I need to eat. Sleeping? BINGO! Sleep is important but if I start my days waking up earlier I have more time to do the things I want to do. In life, you know something is important to you when you dedicate time to it. I think this means I need to stop spending so much time on social media…