Finals Week: Round 11

This is my 11^th finals week in higher education. Some weeks were easier than others (and by easier, I really mean, less stressful). This next week for me won’t be too bad but what makes it difficult is when I see students struggling. The libraries at JMU are now open 24 hours a day. Students are camping out in/on/under desks and tables. They eat, drink, sleep, and try to absorb all the information they can before an exam from their central living station. They will leave all of their belongings on the table as they take said exam and then come back to prepare for the next one. So much of that sounds and feels miserable but I have a way of finding beauty in it. I love the shared experience finals week creates on a college campus. Everyone is determined and striving to do the best they can because they value education. When you tour a college and they say, “The best part of being here is getting to know people you would have never met anywhere else,” I now think of finals week. Use it as an opportunity to talk to someone new – you already go to the same school (that’s one thing you have in common) and you are living through the hell week of finals (there is the second thing you have in common). No matter how different you are from that point out you share something special together in that moment and that just might be the start of an awesome friendship or study buddy. When else in your life is it ever going to be socially acceptable to take a nap in the library? (Let’s hope your college degree will get you a job so you won’t be homeless sleeping in the library again one day.) Just enjoy the uniqueness of this very special week of your life.

That can be tough advice to swallow, I get that. You have too much on your mind to take a minute to enjoy it. Especially because if you don’t pass this certain class you might have to change your major and then what are you going to do for the rest of your life?! I’m getting into the second point I want to make in this posting now. What are you going to do for the rest of your life? Well, something else then. You’ll find it. It’ll work out. And not in the way that the puzzle pieces of life just lay perfectly together kind of way but a think about it, reflect on it, try hard, and make a new vision for yourself kind of way. My point is – It’s okay for your goals to change. Dreams change. It can be frightening when they do but you know better than anyone what your dream is and if it’s changing, embrace that.

I had a dream once of becoming a teacher. I wanted to be the type of teacher where grades don’t matter as long as you are learning something. I wanted to be the type of teacher that thinks every person deserves an equal chance at being educated. I wanted to fill students with pride as they discovered new words and ideas. I wanted to pass on knowledge as power. Because of this when it came time for me to write down a goal I knew exactly what I was going to challenge myself with. In the 8^th grade I volunteered for a week in the Appalachian Mountains doing work with the Christian Appalachian Project and my classmates. Years later, in college, I wanted to go back, but this time by myself for a summer. I wrote my goal down on a block of plywood complete with a deadline and challenges I would need to overcome and sealed the corners with my initials. And then I broke the board. With my bare hands and some careful aim I broke through my fears of the goal and split the board in half. Imagine a karate chop but a real life using the palm of my hand and sheer force rather than a swinging movement. In that moment I was so sure I would be able to hang that board up in one piece after I returned from my trip. I was so sure of my dream.

(Maybe it's a sign that I wasn't supposed to help teach literacy in Appalachia since I can't even spell it right.)

(It's funny that although my goal changed my fears remained the same when I moved to VA. Good news is - they aren't fears anymore!)

As time went on the things I enjoyed and dreamt about teaching became less realistic and a whole lot more painful. I was so unhappy in the work I was doing. I lost my spark (did I really even have one to being with?) and I could absolutely not find it in me to continue wanting to be the type of teacher I once dreamed of. But I kept holding on, I had set a goal after all and I didn’t want to be the one to give up. I had a mentor tell me that it wasn’t giving up, it was just changing directions. It took me a long time to be able to look at that board that I so bravely and confidently broke through and not feel guilty or unaccomplished because I didn’t reach what was on it. But my path had changed, my summer was spent discovering more about myself at an internship which eventually led me to my career in student affairs. I never volunteered for CAP again but I did work at a university representing the central Appalachian area. Now I am sharing this board proudly with all of you because every goal set, achieved or changed, has a story to tell about who you are. My story has just as much passion for education, learning, and acceptance as I wanted to have as a teacher except I am using it in a way that is right for me.

As you might be freaking out about exams or preparing for the holidays take a minute to think about your goals and help yourself understand that it isn’t failure if you don’t reach them, it might just be wisdom. What’s that phrase? Things only fall apart so better things can come together.